charismatically SAID"

2009-10-01T11:33:00.001+08:00

BELIEVE Conference, 3-5 December 2009, hosted by Victory Family Centre The Edge, Tampines

Get transformed.

2009-07-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

Hello! I haven't blogged for a long time and it seems blogging has changed quite a bit.

I'm in JC One full speed ahead! It's been tough and stressful but I have really experienced my God's faithfulness and love through this insane half-year. The youths of region 9/10 are also growing from glory to glory, praise God! It's so exciting to witness God moving among us. We've stepped out in faith through Good News Singapore, Church/Youth Camp in KL and Take It To The Streets! Evangelism. It's been an amazing 2009 for us so far and looks to get better! Care and Share @ Marina Bay is coming! It's going to be so exciting stepping out in faith as a church again and serving God and our community. AND, The Edge Youth Conference BELIEVE is coming up 3-5 Dec!

God is not only doing big things, He is faithful and good in the everyday experiences and the slow, even painful periods of waiting. I want to share a testimony!

After youth camp, I returned to Singapore and the next day, started having fever. The fever fluctuated, but on Sunday it went high and I went to a GP. On Monday, I went to TTSH to test for H1N1. Thank God I was cleared from that! But I was suspected of having dengue, so kept going to the polyclinic to do blood tests. I think I did enough blood tests to last a lifetime! I really don't like needles sticking into my arms. Finally, I went to NUH but they didn't admit me, and after another day at the polyclinic, I was sent to AH and admitted. I was in there for four days before I was finally discharged. I recuperated for one week, and missed my Block Tests.

Where's the testimony? I had a terrible time. It was awful having dengue. Never-ending fever, tiredness, just the sick feeling. And going in and out of hospitals, polyclinic, waiting everywhere was not easy. But through all this, my family shone. I have never appreciated and loved my parents more than during this time when their love and sacrifice was expressed. My church family also took centre stage. I really experienced God's love thru my church family, as they came forward to visit me, pray for me, care for me (cook for me!). The people who really cared stood out. When I couldn't pray for myself, they prayed for me.

After the rocky period, even though it took a real emotional, physical and even spiritual toll on me, I wouldn't trade the experience. Thank God. I have never experienced the church and family like this til then. Thank God for my family and my church!

He gave me, so I can give to others. Praise God!

:)

2009-04-06T16:22:00.000+08:00

2009-03-02T23:57:00.002+08:00

GOOD NEWS SINGAPORE!

My family is asleep and I want to be too! Oh, long and unending night. It pushes me to blog. The clock strikes 12.

God is good. All the time. Amen!

See you at Good News Singapore!

2009-01-02T13:58:00.002+08:00

Thank God for what He's done in me for 2008. He is faithful; He has been and will always be.

I've grown!

He's going to do wonderful things, great and mighty things, powerful things to glorify Himself this year, in me, my family and my church!

Praise the Lord! Give Him all the glory!

(Now for shameless advertising of my new favourite band.)

See you :)

2008-11-25T16:33:00.004+08:00

Wow. This is the first time I've posted photos on my blog. Multiple times. Grad Night!

2008-11-25T13:54:00.000+08:00

408 Farewell Party for Jasmine and Beidi.

2008-10-28T13:33:00.002+08:00

I should be studying, but I'm taking a very innocent break.

The first week of 'O' Levels are over! Three more weeks to go. I guess this is really it. After this, things will be going crazy. Jasmine will be leaving, I'll be going on holiday and YOUTH CAMP, prom night will come, and a class chalet, and parties and on and on and on...

The two days before 'O' Levels started, I was sick, and didn't study at all. On the day of the first paper, I thought I would go crazy. I was scared and stressed and feeling sick because of the stress and crying. Through it all I kept praying, and my family kept encouraging me. It was by His faithfulness to grant me peace of heart and mind, as well as healing, and my parents' support that brought me through. Praise the Lord.

Well, that's about all. I'm off to study some more.

2008-07-25T19:23:00.002+08:00

Well, here's a new post! How's everyone since my blog was last touched? I got a new keyboard and mouse, so it feels new.

Hm. Life is good. As if we're trying to race against time, I seem to be getting closer? to my class, 408. Trying to make this year last. I think... at the end of it I'll be glad. You can look at other classes and say Well, our class isn't as great as theirs, or Well, they don't know what they're missing out, but ultimately what a class can give I've received from 408.

As graduation and change loom ahead, I let myself think of the future. Becoming more realistic, I decided I would want to be a doctor. But then remembering Him and me, I stop and say again: Go where He calls. And as change and growth threaten, I'm actually growing and changing now. Every day, I want to change and grow!

I was working on a project and I found myself so pushed to a corner. With crowded thoughts and a heavy atmosphere, really I felt almost suffocated for about three days! But through it it was like surfacing once and awhile to cry for help, and well, I survived. With the blessings of family and friends, I can say it was a good experience. Juggling my time and focussing expectations is something I got to grow into too.

Alright, that's all for now. I'm off for net group!

Charis

2008-06-25T19:23:00.001+08:00

2008-06-16T19:31:00.003+08:00

I'm blogging; must be that time of the month again.

Actually I'm waiting for Eliz to send me the contact list for tomorrow's Botanic Garden field trip, and it's not coming in...

Well, God is the same, I am different.

Lessons learnt recently: please relax. Seriously, I know how to relax. The problem is really doing it.

God,
is bigger than the air I breathe
the world we'll leave
And God will save the day
and all will say
My Glorious,
My Glorious.

One thing I've also learnt, you will never be able to understand someone else. Can you know someone til you understand every single emotion, every single circumstance? So in learning that, maybe stop acting like it. But some habits are difficult to change.

I once had a bad habit. I thought I would never be able to escape it. But I hated it. It was the failing, weak, slimy side of me.

But when I thought, I'll just keep fighting every day, I couldn't get out of it. I was stuck. I needed a miracle.

I can't remember how exactly it stopped. I mean, you don't really go remember because every day is just one more without it. But I know very clearly, and it resounds in my heart that it was only One who said, "Let it go," and I let it go. He said, "I forgive you," and He did. He changed everything. I didn't live for me anymore. From then on...

Even now, I look at and sorrow over habits and bad sides of me I can't seem to wiggle out of. Yet, when He changed me then, and when I seek Him now, He is the same. He is the same amazing, all-powerful, wonderful, magnificent God.

My soul, hope in God alone. For He alone is faithful and everlasting, and worthy of all praise.

He's going to keep changing me, and maybe a few more years later, you'll see. Because He'll be the same then too.

2008-04-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

I posted! YAY!

Ahem yes. I am posting. Why? Because.

I can't be brutally honest on my blog, because who I am is not what I write in my blog. I got bad days, I got good days. I'm not going to let the whole world see my every critical moment.

Instead, let me just write little thoughts.

Things have happened. I'm still growing! It's a great experience, and I'm glad. Every day is a new beginning, and an ending. What will happen tomorrow? What JC do I choose? What subjects will I take? Yadda yadda. We all like thinking about tomorrow.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry for itself. Sufficient is the day's troubles." Jesus said that. He's right, of course. And this is something I'm learning to learn. To let go and just let it come.

I got bad month cramps yesterday. Sitting alone in the toilet (being sick is the most lonely experience), I thought. In my pain I asked God, why? You take me as I am, with my bad stuff and my little good stuff, so why? And I thought of the woman in the Bible. She had a blood flow for many years, at least seven! How could she have bore through? The pain and suffering must have been unbearable! Why did God let her suffer so bad? Why not just a bit, before healing her?

Tonight I asked God again, in His presence at The Edge. And there was a peace that said, without words, "all her life I brought her towards me. Every second she suffered I love her and I was waiting, waiting every day for her to push through the crowd and believe, just if she had the faith that I might touch her. Do you believe? I was waiting for her to come, every second."

Maybe it doesn't fully answer my question. But the understanding I have now is, it was the only way. And He did it. He let her push through the crowd to get to Him. It didn't matter all her past, just the moment she touched Him and believed.

Today someone dedicated his heart to Jesus Christ. Thank God. I didn't know him well; I just thought he was a bit funny, not serious at all. But thank God, everything was done that he would come.

There is a song that goes:

"Come to the Father
though your gift is small
Broken hearts broken lives
He will take them all
The power of His love
The power of His blood
Every thing was done so you would come."

2008-03-10T10:17:00.002+08:00

I will probably not be blogging anymore after this unless I'm really bored, which I doubt.

God has taken me on a spiritual journey unbelievable (yes, I know it sounds crazy). For all the sermons I've heard have been insanely applicable to me. I've been blessed and affirmed so many times I can't escape from it anymore. There is something crazy and it is my sole purpose.

I sound like a freak. Dude...

But here it is! Here I am. I'm not perfect but right now I make a decision to live with Jesus as my only one Way.

The last blog post means right now, I've got enough in this world to do then to mess around with this virtual world. Who knows? Maybe something amazing will happen that will make me blog again!

Ta!

2008-02-21T18:09:00.002+08:00

Blogs blogs blogs.

This world drives people insane. I see, and I can get scared at the way it has caused people to become. I can read blogs and be afraid at what people can become.

But I can hide with God so it's not that bad. Still, they are my friends and I can't help but be fearful for them. Don't give in to this world!!!

Pray pray pray. How much longer? How do I react to all this?

What do I do now?

2008-02-17T13:28:00.002+08:00

Oh man. Why on earth do people purposely blog small fonted crossed out posts?! Obviously every kah-poh person will copy paste it so they can read all the private-but-it's-online-so-it's-for-everyone-to-see parts of your life. UGH!

I am supposed to be a very nice person. I think I'm a very nice person! (Of course, there's a lot beyond that) But I don't like not being able to see through people. Like they're one way in my face but on their blog or whatever they're completely different. Be honest! I don't care if you're nasty or horrible! I just want to treat you honestly as you are! Don't cheat me!

Dude!!!!

I know even I'm not transparent all the time, and I can't expect everyone else to be. I'm sorry. It's easy to love those who love you, but what about loving those who don't love you? (eh. Where did that come from?)

Hai. My eyes hurt. Anyway, finished church, and right now thinking of the rest of my day. I had sweet birthday wishes from my church region 9/10 youth :D Thanks, guys :) It makes me happy! And I'm gonna keep working and praying that'll we'll become even closer to each other and God, and we can keep celebrating each others' birthdays :D (does that make sense? It does to me!)

I look at this week. As I complained before, common tests. Well well.

It's Sunday! YAY! I had discipleing with Jana and Daffodil :) Cheyenne should join me in teaching them, since she's so free. Good idea!

I'm in a pretty good mood today. Harhar. Because yesterday was a good day at The Edge, and I know God's promises renewed and that He's close to me and He loves me and I'm not yet who He made me to be but I'm as big as the faith I have in Him! HO!

"You'll never go too far for God to love you."

I won't always be able to understand others, but God will always love them. I gotta remember that.

Blog completed. Ta!

2008-02-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

Good evening!

Many things have happened! And maybe more people read my blog than I think.

I watched myself on The Edge announcements on Youtube. And I think I don't like watching myself. If you see how others see you, you act differently. To make yourself acceptable to others. But from the video I can see where I want to improve and reflect. I can become self-conscious after seeing how others see me but I don't want to. Nah. I rather be blissfully ignorant, because this is me. Feels as if there'll be consequences but we'll see.

Now I've got to copy all this into my diary!

Check out podcasts for my youth pastor's new sermon series "Separate" here :D

What else? My birthday is next Wednesday! So are the common tests -_-

I look forward to tomorrow, to the end of the week, to next week, and to the promises God has given. Exciting? Yes!

Now I'm glad and strong in Him. I hope I'll be able to reflect in the future on all this.

Ta!

2008-02-03T18:40:00.001+08:00

111th post. I just blogged for the VFC E9/10 youths blog. It's tiring and tedious! Photos all the way... Whew.

Joy is leaving for Australia, and coming back two months later! Take care, Joy!

Jonathan is back for a week. He's currently playing Wii with Jo and bugging me to get off the computer.

How was my week? Hm. Another week, another seven days gone. I lived day by day, and it gets tedious too, waiting for each day to end, then you realise it's all gone. How can I live each day to feel it was worth living? There's no right answer, is there?

'O' Levels year so I thought I was taking it easy this year. Instead, I'm starting discipling and I'm going to get integrated into The Edge video ministry. Wow. Feels good to be busy but... then I'll get arrogant and be like, everyone needs me. Right. Must resist.

I did get a word, that God is preparing me for the real stuff coming next year onwards. Ho... We'll see how God does it.

I can feel my time leaving me. It's so precious! But what am I going to do with it? Sometimes I feel detatched for the world, as if I can't be bothered about anything already!

My nose went nuts today. But I got a good rest and I'm better now. Tuesday, three tests. Alright.

Ta!

2008-01-30T20:28:00.000+08:00

Hello!!!

I'm good and growing. I'm enjoying my life. Nothing relatively depressing has befallen me of yet.

And I feel guilty being so blessed. Yes, why can't it be you? Why can't I be lonely and emo and depressed? You already are blessed. But of course, I don't understand.

I have homework. And I need to study! And I need to write people's letters! Birthdays, birthdays. I gave Dixin her birthday flowers today :D She says she loves them, because nobody got her flowers before. Next time she performs, I'll have to remember to get her some. Tomorrow is Xinglin's and Yi Shuo's birthdays! A birthday is a good day to bless someone, even though everyday should be a good day. But birthdays are special, no? And Yanting's is on Sunday with Dixin's! Maybe spending Saturday afternoon with her? I've exhausted creative birthday ideas. Sorry Yanting! Right now I just want to spend time with you guys and enjoy my time with my friends.

And my birthday falls in the middle of the common tests. On the A. Maths and Social Studies day. Fantastic. Last year too! Why?! It's my special day! (but every exam day is somebody's special day)

I've learnt that to appreciate people, you have to take a certain amount of time to spend talking with them. So talk to me, people!

Weekend is coming. And my time slips away! Because I wasted it thinking about how long my weeks are.

Let's go.

2008-01-25T17:24:00.000+08:00

I attempted to upload my short films online but... it took forever. So.

It's interesting how two people's blogs can be so vastly different. One with not a single word in proper English, and another with no grammatical errors at all. One that carries no substantial information, another that tells me just enough, and keeps enough to make me glad.

I should have stayed away from the computer. Once again I end up sighing that I shouldn't have compromised or let go of something.

Well, well, well.

Let's go.

2008-01-22T09:06:00.000+08:00

While everyone is happily settled in school, I'm here at home, safe from the cold winds and stress of school life.

Obviously, I'm absent from school.

So what does one do at a time like this?

Watch music videos, reflect on myself, spend well-needed quality time with myself and God. This means WRITING! YAY! As well as homework and studying, for a small percentage of the time, of course.

I haven't written a complete anything in a very long time. It's like I've been hanging around living, doing what I can at any point of time, but not commiting to writing or anything. I don't know.

Elizabeth's blog is depressing. But what to do but be strong for her? :) My friend and sister, we're here.

Our region's blog has finally been created! YES!!! It's one step closer to uniting us. I don't like comparing us to other regions, because I love how even though we're small, we are always open and cheering for one another. I think we're awesome just the way we are, and of course by God's grace we're going to multiply like crazy! But people, some of us are going to have to WAKE UP and get serious. I do feel, however, that I'm serious enough for all of us -_-. My prayer is that we can rely on each other, knowing that though we each have our weaknesses, we can love and grow together.

I am so mushy. It's a good thing no one reads my blog :D

I catch myself thinking of the future sometimes. "Worrying about tomorrow" is what the Bible calls it. Don't worry, I'll work on it.

Because some videos are really worth posting, and I'm proud of the quality, talented production the Edge has done. This is the youth church I belong to, hey!

I've got the promises of God, and I'm comfortably numbing my bum on the computer table chair. Overly-blessed symptoms coming on.

I'll be writing if you need me.

2008-01-21T17:48:00.000+08:00

Big font? Hopefully less squashed.

Had my monthly cramps today! Not as bad though :) Tomorrow will be better!

Does Cheyenne read my blog? Girl, stop thinking so much. Let God do the thinkind for you.

Now my font is so big, I don't dare to write too much.

I have been looking for Japanese songs, particularly the beautiful pieces from Studio Ghibli works. My mother and I are full-out fans of Studio Ghibli. YAY!

Something you may not know about me?: I imagine a lot. I have problems controlling my mind sometimes. Maybe because I'm always so fast in class that when others ask questions, I get bored and imagine stuff to occupy myself, and thus it becomes a habit. Someone shoot me for my pride (figuratively, please).

So, when I seem to be listening very carefully in class, who knows? Maybe nothing is going on inside except some weird story/film plot I have. Or dreams of my future. That kind of girl-thoughts stuff.

Anything new? I've been praying a lot lately. There's still a lot I can do for God, like join the prayer ministry, or the worship ministry, or finish learning guitar, or start discipling, or going block visitations, or attending prayer meetings/evening services, or calling all my friends to remind them they're loved.

I needed to get that off my chest. No stress, man. It's in God's timing.

Financially, I'm trying not to be too bothered. God gives in amazing ways. When I needed cash for the building fund, my grandmother gave me a blue note. :D!!!
In the end, I didn't get to pay my pledge, but I've been boosted and blessed by Him when all else failed :)

I'll keep living for Him all I can, and even beyond.

What to do? :)

Ta.

2008-01-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

I want BIGGER CLEARER font! It's so difficult to read my own words.

My brother's friends are in the house. Noisy...

Let's see. Eh. Lately I've been praying, listening, struggling, controlling, smiling. I've started smiling more.

I actually practise, you know. Every morning, smile in the mirror. I make my own day by smiling at myself. Such a lovely sweet smile :)

I'm controlling going on the computer because the internet holds a million horrible temptations (every single Japanese drama serial out there), and makes me think too much. I have a terrible imagination.

The more I listen to other people around me, the more I feel old. Why do you laugh at that? It's not funny, it's immature!

But maybe I just feel left out. Although I doubt it.

Every part of my life I try to live for God. But I do try too hard sometimes. Then I get stressed out and tired. I don't like that.

I've been getting cocky about my intelligence. Mwahaha. Must control...

http://www.miniature-earth.com/me_english.htm

Must watch! Open your eyes to the world.

I can't wait for the weekends :) I always feel my best around people of God. I've been trying to psyche up the fellow Christians in my school. Come on people! Start something!

I'm gonna be more undignified than this

Boys. Loud. Ugh. Control.

Blogging is fun. But writing in my diary is fun too.

I have a great life. Then sometimes I get the sneaky fear something bad is going to happen and ruin it all.

No matter what, I want God.

YEAH!!!!!!!!

Ta~

2008-01-11T08:41:00.000+08:00

E-learning Day.

Right. There's no work online. But how can I keep a clear conscience unless I'm refreshing the page every minute?!

Alright I found it. Due to my inattentiveness in assembly I suppose. Though many people would have given up if they did not press the little plus sign at the side.

Forgive me.

Going to do Chemistry online.

Ta!

2008-01-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Nobody knows about my blog. But that's not the news.

I have nothing to blog about. My life has been interesting, striving every moment for God, but nothing happened.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

We're having prayer and fasting week, so I'm fasting daily for a week. It's very testing, but I do enjoy it as I use my weakness to get closer to God.

Keep walking...

Ta.

2007-12-29T22:05:00.000+08:00

A blog is where you write so people who know you can understand where you are at this point of time.

Ah. Enlightening discovery I have concluded.

I love our region's youth. I love that even though we're small, we have hope. I love that I have a place there, even though I'm not much.

I'm going back to school soon, and I'm going to have to juggle between God and life. God first!

If anyone needs to know, I'm listening. Anyway, I'm glad for who I am. Maybe I'll meet an accident, or scar myself tomorrow. I'll move on.

Thanks!

I'm a strange person. I'm glad I've started to let God grow me.

I've started writing again. I stopped in the holidays, because it was quite meaningless. But I've started a slightly new plot, and I'm motivated by God now.

Refresh everyday.

I'll be keeping my distance from the computer, because frankly, there's nothing much holy here. But let's keep trying. I need to spend some time away from manga and drama love, so I better not come on at all.

Ok. Keep trying!

Ta.

2007-12-21T11:40:00.000+08:00

Oh my goodness. I blogged an entire page and it didn't save. No!!!!!!

Ok. Basically I blogged about my day. I woke up, ate yesterday's shepard's pie, and came online to finish the last episodes of Galileo and Yukan Club.

I think I'm better off not watching any new drama serials. I know, it'll be painful, but I must move on. One day, after 'O' Levels, I will begin again.

Galileo is basically a nice show, but a bit overdone trying to be original. It's about a lady detective and a physics lecturer solving scientific mysteries. Who on earth would commit such complex crimes in the first place?!

Yukan Club was, on the other hand, the kind of low-budget drama that is made to keep fans happy. It was lame enough to keep interest, but I wish they had followed through the Seishiro/Noriko relationship.

What else did I blog about? Oh yeah. For the rest of the day I plan to do my daily devotion and finish the rest of my English and Maths homework. I also plan to bake my cookies of horror. They are horrible because I am not a baker. I might also work out on Wii Sports, which was made for pathetic people like me.

This is so uninteresting. I really do not dig this blogging thing. But I like coming online to type something about me. Must be the 自恋 part of me talking.

I went out with Dixin yesterday, and she offered me a short-term job. I should really take it because I need the money (Christmas has blown my budget) and I need to get my lazy butt out of the house. But, being the blessed spoilt child I am, my dad decided to keep me as a non-working citizen for as long as possible. "Prepare for school reopening. There's plenty of time to work next time." Later he relented that if I wanted to work, I could. No problem, dad. I'm fine with sticking at home.

I always had the dream of going out to work for only a few years, then getting married, going on missions, being a housewife and writing books at home the rest of my life.

Wow. I have absolutely no ambition. Laugh at me, but seriously, I'm the laziest person I know. You should be suprised. Maybe being transparent starts from blogging, because it's a diary which everyone can see.

I want my blog to be read. This is the "need people's approval" part of me talking. I need to work on that part of me too.

Listening to Corrinne May's Beautiful Seed. Her songs are so simple and sweet. That's what real songs are made of. Sometimes we forget how things were made to be. Corrinne May's songs are what real songs are. When I was praying at youth camp, I felt that was what I was made to do, to be. When we worshipped at youth camp, I felt, that's how worship should be.

I took this emo photo of my youth camp roommates on the beach of Rompin. Is this the beginning of succumbing to photo blogs?!

ok. That's it for our 101th post. :D

2007-12-20T20:33:00.000+08:00

Welcome!!!

It's our 100th post anniversary!

I changed the blogskin (what do you think?), chucked all my links from the redundant 'frens-linx.blogspot.com' over, added music on my tagboard page, and got a new tagboard.

Whew.

I also made my font bigger.

I read other peoples' blogs, and I think my blog might be weird. People copy entire MSN conversations on their blogs o_O Maybe I need to take lessons. Should I start uploading photos too? I used to do that for awhile.

Eh. Let me see. I should recount my entire schedule for today. Right. I went out with Dixin and borrowed money from her (thanks darling ;)), then I came home and napped and went out for dinner at my mother's net outreach. Apparently my mom is the net English-Chinese interpretor.

My maid, Sofi, is a very lovely girl. She's ignorant, but she's very sweet. She's always trying her best and she doesn't give up no matter what. She's got the nest attitude. I would have perished under everything she's been through.

I'm weak. In a lot of ways. Why? I want to know. But it's through the weak God shows His works best. The thing is I've been so good at covering my weaknesses (maybe not really), that it's not very obvious.

I want to belong too, and understand the inside jokes, and have friends who encourage me, and counsel my friends not only about shallow stuff like who's prank-calling them, or their two-minute crushes. I want to listen and counsel and love and do something only I can do and that people need me for.

In the end, I'm just as shallow and weak as anyone. My dad tells me not to have such high expectations in friendship. But I don't think it's impossible. I'm still hoping for it.

I'm praying for that kind of friendship, not only for myself. Maybe I've been selfish far too long. Friendship comes with sacrifice?

I'm weak and I can't do much. I'll write for all I'm worth, but in the end I'm going to have to trust God to fill in my large gaping blanks.

I'll listen when you want me to. Can you listen to me too?

Heh. I think this might be the monthly mood swings talking. I'm an emo wreck.

Let's move on.

Onto our 101th post!

Ta~

2007-12-18T11:43:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging my 99th post as I search for a nice new blogskin. Maybe I should make my own.

Nah.

I just got a haircut. And I got a bit angry with myself because I don't really like it but I don't know what to do about it. I'll probably go back and get another haircut.

I've been going out more lately. I still love my family. But I'm finally going out more. And many many people say... Amen.

I have a hidden passion: friendstering. And no, not like, messing with my own Friendster account (which is dead), but finding people online. So many people are so honest on their blog and Friendster profiles. It's so easy what you can discover online -_-

I don't like looking for blogskins. When I find a nice one, it's just... typical blogskin. Give me something!

Right. So, 99th post down. Goodbye black and white! I'm getting some colour out of myself!

See you at our 100th post!

2007-12-17T16:38:00.000+08:00

CHANGE. LET'S REVAMP!!!

Look at me last time. I was an emo wreck! So caught up in myself. I was so cultured and intelligent. HA. I laugh in my face.

And I must learn how to blog about important things! I always don't blog properly. Even I don't look at my own blog.

I went for YOUTH CAMP!!!! YAY!!!! And I came back different.

Changing is such a troublesome job. But I know it must be done. How I wish if in the first place I didn't need to change. But then I wouldn't need to sacrifice or put in any effort and that would just be wrong, to gain so much without a struggle. But in some ways, I'm gaining so much more than I could ever struggle for. I know it's possible.

But my face still holds me down. I still fight against God's will. When His orders come I know it clearly enough but if I don't like it, I deny it straight. And think too much to go around it. But God's orders are orders. Fullstop. I still imagine a lot too. I'm still working at it and I'm gonna get better at it. Stopping to imagine, I mean.

I've become a prayer person. Prayer is power, and don't you doubt it. There's nothing like it.

It's gonna be tough, especially since all my priorities have twisted around into something so not the inside me. Ha. It's time to be transparent. I'm not going to pretend I'm cultured or intelligent anymore. No more clever comments.

I still like drama serials. I still like the same kind of music. But I've cleaned up my mind, my heart, my relationship with God. It's different now.

I'm gonna get a new blogskin to match my theme. Soon. If I remember.

Because it's ok if I forget things like my blog.

There are more important things to remember.

Ta.

2007-10-17T19:25:00.000+08:00

How do I usually start blog posts? I can't remember.

Exams are OVER. Except for my Chemistry practical and 'O' Level Chinese papers. I'm quite worried. Yet, here I am, blogging.

Eh. I've been trying to busy myself; find some new meaning in life after pouring out all my attention on mugging. I've tried watching some new drama serials, rewatched some old ones, am currently attempting to read Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day, still currently trying to write new essays and continue old novels-to-be, practised my guitar, etc. I would feel quite fruitful. Usually.

Please watch and read Suzumiya Haruhi! You can find excellent fansubs on the effiecient YouTube, and translations of the series at Baka-Tsuki.

Maybe I should update my fictions online too. Hm.

So to conclude, even though I while my days with activities, I feel quite useless. Even if I study my Chemistry practicals, I feel sian (there's only one word for it, and it's not in proper English, so...). And I don't feel like taking on Chinese yet.

I'll keep striving and trying to stop dreaming my time away!

Wow! I posted.

Til next time!

2007-07-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say. Summer Camp was, is, so beautiful, I just love the bonds and ties formed in all earnestness during that period of time. It's overwhelming.

I've learned so much about people, and about myself. I suppose for such a long time, I've been caught in my own perspective, not realising there's more to the people around me. Now I'm learning not to judge people, even though I knew before this as a fact, I can now recognise it as a value.

I've made so many new friends, Rachel!!! You two backstage crew people are darling. Yu Nian, you're too hyper. I get dizzy being around you. All the performers, you guys rock the stage with your passion! Coaches, you guys are so awesome.

I had to learn to really step out of my shell and make new friends with people who completely don't know who I am, or my culture, or where they are. ROJAK O! You guys made it all worthwhile. I missed you every second during oral. It was an amazing experience.

Even though I missed my dad's birthday, and didn't get into the CAP programme, I achieved so much more in this Summer Camp. When it was over, I felt like a big part of me went missing, like I was all hollow. The day after it was over, I cried (yes, I am SLOW).

Now I keep smsing Rachel. She's awesome and lovely, but sometimes I feel like maybe I'm just lonely. Emo, man.

To change the depressing topic, let me now mention for the first time my new friends from my new girl-dominated class, Syanni, Liwen and Grace. Yes. This bunch never fail to make me laugh.

Every person has different groups of friends. Friends to talk seriously to, friends to stand by you, friends to spend time with, friends to make you laugh. Yeah, they're my "friends-to-make-me-laugh".

I think that's enough for today. I'm moving on now.

Til next time!

2007-07-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

I want SUMMER CAMP back NOW!!!

ARGH!!!

I love Nan Hua International Summer Camp so much. In there, I could start anew, and I'm so much more confident and willing to smile :) I made such good friends, even though it was for a short one week, those friends were with me 24/7, and I love their company. And being emcee made it so much more unpredictable and exciting. I LOVE IT.

Now I'm suffering from severe summer camp withdrawal symptoms. I want to stay in that protected, diverse world longer, and keep away from reality and homework. How can it be over already?! How can we already be separated?! I can't make sense of it; it's all happening so fast.

I cried, during the closing ceremony. I was in it (with Yu Nian) since the beginning, and it's all over too soon. It seems like only yesterday when I was rushing through lines for the opening ceremony, and now it's all over.

What's this? No no no no no no.

State of denial. Noooooooooooooooooo.

Our friendships aren't over, but summer camp is.

We shook hands and hugged all around, and I told my South African friend when he asked me, "So this is the end of the line?"

"No, the circle goes on forever and ever."

And ever and ever.

2007-06-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

I've decided I shall now only blog when I feel like blogging. I mean, what's the point of publicly announcing important events in your life or revelations that strike you, when you don't even feel like blogging? And nobody's gonna read in the long run except yourself anyway. SO. I conclude I shall only blog when time and attitude allows me to. No, this is not self-consolation.

Anyway, I was working on my NHHS essay (after slacking all day reading Ouran on the computer) and I was using the extremely angsty and excellent plot I adapted from Liwen and Syanni's yet-to-be manga. So it struck me, that even though the given topic was a free-topic, "Inspiration", since it was organised by the school's PSG and not the English department, I should be writing something truly inspirational and touch hearts, and not simply because I want to write something angsty and dramatic. This is from the point of view of someone who wants to win. And plainly, I want to win. But naturally, I understand pride comes before a fall. I am equally ready to not win and be utterly dashed to pieces when I do not win even a consolation prize.

So I'm pondering about it. Should I write another essay about true inspiration, or stick to my melodramatic plot? I really want to win. But I don't want to forego my writing.

But I am almost certain if I submit this plot, I will not win.

You think it's easy: Just follow your heart. Like, whatever. I know I have to do what I want. But frankly, I want to be better than other people, too. Let's face it, I'm Singaporean.

Being-better-than-other-people versus do-what-i-want.

Because I feel like it, I'm going to do what I want. Of course, being lazy has absolutely nothing to do with it.

If you have issues about this too, TAG!

And I'll probably read your tag two months later.

Til next time I feel like blogging!

2007-04-16T20:52:00.000+08:00

Irritation.

ARGH.

I'm SICK of this and that and GAH. I'm tired of missing things I don't want to miss, I'm tired of not being able to do my best, I'm tired of being said I don't do my best.

I can do better. But in the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?

That't the feeling I get. What for do I work so hard? Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless!

So many things are slipping away. What's happening?

I don't want to end up like this. I don't wish to drown in lonely blogs and pretend I'm so cool people read my blog.

I want life! I want to be refreshed and move on in life! I don't want to be stagnant and pretend I'm growing faster than other people.

I want to explode and fly away and do what I dream of doing again and again and again.

But then you reach the top and you throw it all the way down and then what?

It's so noisy. But I don't like the quiet either.

I miss my friends but it's almost like I flitter too much, so they can't see me.

Far wide deep gone.

Stress does strange things to people.

I don't want to be like other people. I want to live quietly; I want to be famous and loved.

So many failures so many victories don't mean anything anymore.

I have it all I only have God.

In the end my blood is the most love I've got.

I don't want to think of the future but it's right there.

I know where I am kind of lost in the middle of all my words.

Disappear, gone gone gone.

Gone.

And back some time soon.

2007-04-06T16:38:00.000+08:00

I've been reading other people's blogs, so I should probably talk about events in my life, too. This is a blog, after all.

So I went out and purchased Hilary Duff's new album today. Mwahahaha. I'm feeling especially egoistic because this is one of the few times I attempted to buy something for myself with no hindrances. Usually I discover the particular item is not sold at the particular place, or the place closed down already, or I get lost. I almost got lost today, not because of Singapore's flawless transport system, but because I got onto the wrong train. Sigh.

My mother safely got through a Lasik operation, so now she's wearing sunglasses everywhere as her eyes are healing. I still feel uncomfortable thinking of a laser shooting straight into your eye. Oh well.

As I said, I've been reading other people's blogs, and it seems to me that the more witty, sacarstic things you post, the more interesting it is.

I appreciate witty, sarcarstic comments. But I don't possess that talent. How distressing. Sometimes I think it would better if I weren't so nice and everything, because then my negative ideals would be so appealing to other people, and I would gain more attention.

I hope you don't believe I really mean that.

I haven't blogged in a long time. I couldn't bring myself to sit here and type and type and type, and I've been extremely busy with SYF, Odyssey of the Mind and such. And I'll be busier still soon.

More and more I'm thinking I'm really nothing special, because there are so many people out there like me (not a lot, but still) who are more talented than me. But if I can't do what I love and can, I don't know what I'm going to do. That's why we have people around us, friends and family, because they pretty much make up who you are, in a way.

Actually I'm quite impressed with myself when I manage to get my thoughts out coherently and accurately in words. Words can never really express thoughts and feelinds clearly, no matter what language, because their just words. It's probably the tone and attitude that brings forth communication.

Wow. I'm very proud of myself for managing to type so much today, in proper English and in such length.

Til next time!

2007-03-14T13:53:00.000+08:00

It just gets shorter and shorter.

And I mean my hair, not my skirt. I cut it short. I think it's cute in a weird way, but 'cute' isn't exactly Charis huh? Well, I am anticipating my friends' reactions when they see this new hairstyle. Mwahahahaha.

Congrats to Jasmine, Jasmine Lynn, Jeremiah and team for winning the second debate. Wow. I am impressed, although Jasmine told me I shouldn't be yet. I am hoping to watch the next debate, no matter how much Jasmine forbids me to.

Besides Himitsu no Hanazono, I am rewatching Good Luck!! and starting Engine. But only Hanazono has made it to my favourites list so far. It suits the 'aw' side of me.

And I watched the Detective Conan Live Action yesterday. Very anime, but it was interesting how they linked it before the guy turned into the kid version. Cute.

Okay, that's about it.

Til next time.

2007-03-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

So I went for a photoshoot for the school. It was fun, but once again the glam lifestyle proves to be painful.

We got lost on the way, so Jasmine Lynn and I were searching all over the tiny map for the studio's address. That's one reason why my eyes hurt so much. Then when we reached, the studio was very lovely, and then we realised there was a miscommunication; we were supposed to only bring our school uniform, but we were told to bring a whole bunch of other clothes. So we ended up waiting a few hours for our uniforms to be brought over. While we waited, we got our hair and make-up done. The hairstylist did a very nice bun for me, and then they said we had to follow the school rules and tie plaits. So we pulled off all the pins from my hairspray-soaked hair and did two very tight plaits, which made me feel like a COMPLETE NERD. Then the very nice designer got the hairstylist to redo my plaits, so I didn't look that bad.

We watched another photoshoot before having our own, and it was certainly an experience to remember. I had fun, and all the studio crew were fantastic. They were like out of some manga or drama or what not, and each had an individual character. They made my creative juices go into overdrive.

Anyway, before spending half my day getting dazed by continuous flashes, I got sunburnt with the rest of my school during our road run. Well.

Jasmine Lynn still had to go for debate training afterwards. Jia You!

I'll add a review soon for the new Japanese drama I'm watching, Himitsu No Hanazono. It's very nice, filmes just like a manga, and the characters are hilarious. WATCH IT!

Okay. I am POOPED. Til next time.

2007-03-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

http://nhmsp2.blogspot.com/

My post is in there. What can I say? I haven't been doing very well lately. I think I'm going to be sorely disappointed in my exams. And today when I went to purchase One Litre of Tears, the Chinese book translation, it was out of stock. Sigh.

Don't question why, just keep living, and one day the answer will come.

Few people have patience for faith.

I want to be one of the few.

Til next time.

2007-02-21T18:36:00.000+08:00

It has happened. The inevitable has finally arrived. Mark this fateful day forever.

21st February 2007. My brother outgrew me.

Usually I would then waste the next line going 'AHHHHHHHHHH', but I've already spent the last ten minutes wailing, clutching my head, stumbling over the house in mourn over this, so let's move on.

I don't know what happened! He wasn't taller yesterday! Gr.

That seals it. Growth spurts are evil.

Or it could be the extra protein over the last few days in the form of barbecued pork.

Well. Til later.

2007-02-16T16:48:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHH

We celebrated my birthday today :) The Clique Eight gave me a fantastic video and photo album full of love and thoughtfulness. And a writing book! AHHHHHHHHHH.

They complained my expression was lousy, but I've never cried in happiness before, lol, but I can say this is the best birthday present EVER. E.V.E.R.

Thanks darlings. Lol.

I'll be back soon.

Til later.

2007-02-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

I was thinking just now.

I've been very stressed lately, but adding the little details such as birthday parties has worn me out. It's only been through God's grace that everything worked out fine, and I'm still sane.

Yeah. Thank God for a love that defeats mistakes, and refreshes continually.

God bless us.

Til next time.

2007-02-04T15:42:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we celebrated Yanting's birthday at Chelsea's house. Whew. I'm pooped at planning birthday celebrations. Vivian's birthday was celebrated in school during recess, but it was no easier. As usual, we bought everything at the last minute, and the surprise almost backfired. Yanting always laughs at me, saying all my birthday plans always backfire. But it's not true. They still turn out in one piece. More or less.

The next celebration in mine. It's on Chinese New Year -_- Again. Oh well. It's only a date.

So after the celebration, I met Charmaine at Edge and we went for dinner with her mom and Cheryl. Cheryl and I are going for choir exchange together next week. YAY.

I'm getting contact lenses. Hm. I think I'll look very depressed and sleepy without my glasses. Ha.

I think there was something else I wanted to blog about specially, but I can't remember what. Gah.

Oh yeah. Next Saturday everyone is going to see Show. Not that I like Show, but it would be fun, and I want to see Betties dance :) But I'm having choir exchange (with dear CHERYL), and after that we're making pineapple tarts. Chinese New Year preparations!

Hail the barbacued pork and chocolate nuts.

Til next time!

2007-01-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html

have fun. I know I did.

Well, I've been busy lately. Wait, let me correct myself.

I don't even have time to be busy. But I understand that's part of secondary school life, so GO GO GO!!!

YaMaki rules.

2007-01-13T13:20:00.000+08:00

I forget to mention what I got for Christmas. Er.

The most fantabulous one was the Hitsugaya taicho figurine I got from my brother. I love it when people give me fandom stuff, like Yvonne who gave me the 10th squad vice-taicho badge, which I loved as much. But this is the first present my brother has ever bought for me so I love it even more.

Then I got a cute umbrella, and a musical box, and a mystical bookmark, and a new pencil case, and a shirt, and a cup and a thick bracelet. YAY.

Well Christmas is over and Chinese New Year is next month. Ho ho ho...

I'm going crazy trying to come up something for Vivian's birthday this month. Ahhhhhhhhh.

And I've gotten to watching movies online, like Midnight Sun, Nana and Prince of Tennis. Lol. Yes, it's all Japanese so sue me.

Well. Til next time :)

2007-01-06T15:46:00.000+08:00

Okay, sorry.

School's started and I'm in a new class which feels weird because I'm okay with everybody but we don't know each other. We still run to our old classmates every chance we get it's like secondary one all over again when I kept meeting up with Jasmine and Sheena, by the way Jasmine's sitting beside me now. But after that I still made close friends so I know that soon I'll move on to my new class and a part of me wishes I could stay like this, with my old classmates, but a part of me wants to move on and get over with it.

Hm.

But I'm getting used to school already. Same old, same old. Really, you would think being a senior would change some things, but there's really no difference, because it's still you, and it's still the same generation of people around you. I suppose aging is like that too, because it's still you, and the change is not that big when the people around you are growing with you.

It seems this year is going to be a large one. But nothing seems to be happening yet. I'm getting a bit upset with myself because of the whole new environment adaption thing. Sigh.

And I'm vice-chair. I can't help thinking maybe I made a mistake.

Girl dominated class for me this year, although last year the girls outweighed the guys too, but this year is 33 to 6. Ha.

And I was recently hooked to a brilliant Japanese drama. ONE LITRE OF TEARS is a fantastic, moving, realistic drama based on a journal written by a dying 15 year old girl. It's very inspiring, revolving round making the most of life when there's nothing left, and how family support and friends are so important to live on.

I love Japanese dramas, because they're so fresh. Each drama usually has a very unique plot, and the actors are skilled, and if not their looks and charisma make up for it. And most of all, love does not have to be the main plot. It's sometimes friendship, or popularity or swindling or dying. And even if they have similar themes, the plot is vastly different. In my favourite J-dramas, the two leads actually don't even get together.

Wonderful.

So go watch ONE LITRE OF TEARS, NOBUTA WO PRODUCE and KUROSAGI. And if you somehow prefer the more lengthy Korean dramas, you should catch I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU (MISA).

Well. That's it for now.

Til next time.

2006-12-20T16:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know how I'm going to do this. Gah. Well, here goes.

Well, what's Christmas to you? Present-exchange, merry wishes, etc etc. But it's not!!!

It's God sending his Son to deliver love and salvation as the best gift of all. Why do we exchange gifts? Because that's what God did on the very first Christmas. He gave us a gift!

And why is it widely celebrated? Why do Christians ask their loved ones (friends, family) to come to church with them? Because that's what it's about. Everyone knows Christmas. Almost everyone celebrates it, but, um, what exactly are we celebrating?

What are you doing this Christmas?

Let's make it clear: I'm preaching here. Because Christmas is not happy, fun, oh-YAY-Christmas-snow-mistletoe-carols-AW. It's SO MUCH MORE.

Christmas is a whole WORLD, because it signifies so much! It's a beginning, an end, an everlasting promise. This is not a cheap fantasy novel. This is REAL!!!

Now I'm sounding paranoid and freaky and weirded out and somebody is going to tag me telling me to calm down. But this is IMPORTANT to me so I have to get all worked up!

Christmas, has been commercialised and there is so much unknown about the Christ in Christmas.

Someone grab a Bible.

Oh yeah. And realise that when referring to God, always use capital letters. Because He's respected universally, honoured day after day, feared as the only Lord and God.

I've said my piece.

Til later. Merry Christmas!

2006-12-15T14:31:00.000+08:00

Ho. I'm back. Well... I really do not feel like writing now. Being lazy. Anyway, Yanting, what on earth have you done with our blog???

NOTHING. Exactly.

And I cannot, for the life of me, remember our user name and password, so I can't do anything about it. GAH.

Get online. NOW.

Til next time.

2006-12-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

Whoo~ Beware the results of BOREDOM:

http://becauseofboredom.blogspot.com

2006-12-02T15:24:00.000+08:00

Well, we're finally going to do it.

We have created a boredom club.

Yes applaud us, the random bored weirdos. I'll put up the link once it's done ;)

Have to find a suitable blogskin now -_-

Til later~

2006-11-30T13:10:00.000+08:00

Sigh. Okay. So I haven't updated for like, a million years. And I don't have an excuse. I admit it, I'm being lazy.

Right. So in five days I'm going shopping in Phuket for a few days. :P So fast... Time has zipped by, probably because all the days have blended into one long holiday. My family's planning on putting the Christmas tree up soon.

Yesterday was Nan Hua High's Cultural Potpourri night. I think it was okay, and choir pulled off a reasonable performance. I also met Yanting, Bettie, Yea Wen and Wan Zheng. And Vivian, who gave me a very cute keychain from China. Aw...

I also started watching Ella and Farenheit's new show. YES! The hilarious, dramatic, far-fetched drama serial: Full Blossom/Hua Yang Shao Nian Shao Nu/Hana Kimi/Whatever-else-the-show-is-called. Very funny, but typical Taiwanese drama style. No substance. Sigh... But still very nice :)

And recently I joined this project but it's been on for very long so I feel like an outsider but I know they're really nice people but it's like so awkward and I feel so sad for myself because I'll just think too much and try not to think to much and end up stressing myself too much and lose sleep and it doesn't help that I'm listening to this really fast song now.

Whew.

And I heard Hilary Duff broke up with Joel Madden. WHY?! Oh well. It is her life.

So... I think that's about it. I haven't scheduled anymore CIP hours in the library, so I'm really going to be bored this month.

How meaningless.

We should set up a club or something, Yanting and I.

Til next time :)

2006-11-21T19:07:00.000+08:00

I'm going crazy. CRAZY. And it's not just because everybody is in China and I'm having a major writer's block.

For one thing, I have regular choir practices and then I rush of to CIP. Volunteer work at the library. Typical Charis... But it's tiring me OUT. Facing books and codes and alphabets and numbers and not being able to read anything is driving me NUTS.

AND THEN, today I received a letter. OMG. I was so excited, like, is it THE essay competition?! But no. It's Canon DV Fest inviting me and a friend to attend the prize ceremony of the competition which we didn't win anything. Well. Not that I'm complaining.

Then there's all this TENSION. I'm anticipating so much: 25th Nov, my Phuket holiday, BLEACH MOVIE, Kurosagi special, youth camp GAHHHHHHH.

I need to read a book. A library book.

Til next time.

2006-11-17T12:14:00.000+08:00

Well. I'm back and everybody has left for China. What a sad, sad existence.

Not really. I got my new guitar on Wednesday :) And we celebrated Bettie's birthday with a bang at Seoul Garden. It was fantastic fun, and I got some material for a new essay.

Speaking of essays, writing had been a stagnent for me lately. I don't know how I'm going to face my mentor.

Bleach Movie coming out soon. YAY. But there's this random girl Ichigo is supposed to save, so I'm not seeing any big-time IchiRuki.

Spiral 15 is coming out soon in Chuangyi and I hope Kinokuniya stocks it FAST.

Um. That's about it.

Til next time.

2006-11-07T13:42:00.000+08:00

Ahem. I have an announcement to make.

I have been informed(right after I checked the Canon DV Fest website -_-) that our film, Dear Sir, was not shortlisted.

A million apologies.

I have dragged and begged and blasted people to join my attempt at film-making, and I am truly sorry we didn't make it. However, please check out at the Canon DV Fest website(Google it) the entries that were selected and compare the quality of our work. I truly am sorry.

And slightly abashed.

However, I hope over the sadness of us not even being shortlisted, we will remember the fun time we had filming. And editing(*cough*). And dreaming about winning -_-

I'll be leaving on Thursday, and be back next Tuesday. I don't suppose anyone will miss me. Oh well.

Til next time!

2006-11-05T16:11:00.000+08:00

25 November 2006: Get Ready.

If you clicked the link(if you didn't, refresh the page and click it NOW), you'll see that I'm getting all charged up for God to get YOU to know Him. Beware.

I can't help it. Today at church, the pastor read out my testimony about winning the two essay competitions, and he got me to stand in the congregation and everyone was like, clapping. It lasted for five seconds, but it felt right. Like how one feels when you did something good and everyone knows. But I don't think winning the competitions was the point, it was that I gave all the glory to God.

And yesterday at The Edge, which is the youth service for my church, Pastor Jeremy was talking about compassion and love for people, and that we need to be separated for God. So I went up for the altar call, and there was this guy who testified about his very close relationship with his five friends and they were all really close. Two of them were already saved, and two others recently also became believers, but the guy was saying, "How would you feel if you knew where the closest people to you were going, and you just let them?" or something to that extent.

Either way, it got me bad. I was already crying by the Holy Spirit at that point, but after that I just cried and cried and cried and cried and don't know how I didn't just dehydrate on the spot. I thought of all my friends, my cousins, EVERYONE and I was so scared. I can't let it go like that.

So I'm going to go crazy about 25 November, and you better be ready.

On other news, it seems that the one of the essay competition's first prize was actually $40, and not $300 like I mistakenly told you. It gave me a rude shock, but it was my own fault to think that both prizes would automatically be the same. Anyway, I've decided that it's meaningless buying stuff for myself, so I'm probably going to use it all on Christmas. Now, I'm wondering about the other essay competition... Another miracle, perhaps ;)

I'll be leaving Singapore on the 9th for a Malaysian holiday, -_- I'm travelling a lot this holiday. After the Malaysia trip I'll be heading for Phuket with my cousins and after that for Malaysia again for Youth Camp.

Bettie got a job, and I'm considering getting one too, or doing CIP with Sheena at SPCA. I should go check out if I could do CIP at the library, like sorting books etc. That would suit me -_-

Til next time!

2006-11-01T10:50:00.000+08:00

Yes. I have arrived to blog.

My brother just left for a 2 nights camp. So I have the whole house to myself for three days.

Hm.

I am seriously running out of things to do. Even with the guitar and attempting to writing essays and the first chapter of a new book, I am bored. I am actually intending to go walk round the neighbourhood later, just to cure my idleness.

But now, because my entire head is spinning with Yamaki (Yamapi and Maki) due to Kurosagi and Nobuta, I shall spare a paragraph comparing their performances in the two dramas.

In Nobuta, the characters portrayed were more defined, less realistic, in a sense, and the actors were able to bring their characters across very effectively. The chemistry between the two was regrettably dull, likely because of the lack of chemistry between the characters. But the fantastic story made for the lack of romantic relations in the show.

Kurosagi, on the other hand, specifically portrayed the two as a couple, so the chemistry was very evident. The actors, though, had a wider scope of emotions to deal with now, as their characters were much more mature and realistic, even though the story itself was slightly far-fetched. Nevertheless, Yamapi and Maki handled their roles well, although once and awhile it came across as forced. As a Yamaki fan, I do wish there were more moments between the two. -_-

However, in conclusion, these two dramas are my favourite Japanese dramas out there, although I haven't had much experience with Jap. dramas. Despite much criticism I found for Yamapi and Maki's acting in both shows, especially Kurosagi, I cannot see any other actors in their roles besides them.

Thus ends my review. Take note that these are my PERSONAL OPINIONS. And I have no relations to Yamapi or Maki or Kurosagi or Nobuta, etc. I don't own anything, either.

That's it for today then. :) God be with you.

Til next time~

2006-10-30T11:30:00.000+08:00

*sob* I just finished watching Nobuta wo Produce. *sob*

*sobsniffAHHHHHHHHH*

I love that drama. As much as I love Kurosagi even though no one agrees with me. But I do wish Akira(Yamapi's character) had stayed with Nobuta(Maki's character) in the end. But it's okay, because Yamapi gets Maki in Kurosagi.

I love the irony.

In Nobuta, Yamapi pines after Maki. In Kurosagi, Maki pines after Yamapi.

YAY.

Here's a very cute video. I actually like the song more than the video, but it's a well done up video anyway: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeOrfC6VKrE

I've been slacking very badly. Not writing, not practicing guitar, not doing Math homework. Sigh.

Yesterday I went to Kinokuniya to spend my vouchers. I ended up buying only LYT's book, a comic for my brother and a pen. Tsk.

I have this massive lists of things to buy, but GAH.

Sometimes spending money is a pain. I feel I can understand a little how Scrooge feels.

Oh well. Let me go sacarstically encourage LYT's fetish for Prison Break. A fetish which I, unfortunately do not share. Like LYT does not understand my love for NOBUTA and KUROSAGI.

Til next time!

2006-10-27T13:36:00.000+08:00

I'm perioding... So it's a good thing it's a school holiday for me. But I just finished Kurosagi *sob* It's so fabulously unsatisfying! I await the December Kurosagi special.

But it's such a nice companion to Nobuta wo Produce, because in Kurosagi, 'Nobuta' likes 'Akira'. Hohoho...

I haven't even finished Nobuta yet. Sigh.

I've been rotting away in Youtube all day. I can't bring myself to start writing or anything.

To prove my point, I have nothing to blog about. Gah.

Til next time.

2006-10-25T15:21:00.000+08:00

Be prepared for a looooong testimony. Well, actually not really, because I'm too excited to keep typing.

So, today, I was filing report books with Xenia, feeling like an utter robot, and then this teacher came and asked for me. I was like, Great, more Chairman work. And it turns out I won something for one essay competition! I went YAY, which prize? And the teacher said, Oh, first prize. And you won first prize for the other essay competition. So yes, you are a very rich lady.

...

AHHHHHHHH. (x2000)

You understand the shock-cum-AHness. So now I have a 30 Kinokuniya $10 book vouchers and one Borders gift card. I am going to be swimming in fiction. Whoo...

Thank God, truly. I promise to find a way to give back to Him through book vouchers. Hm. I was faltering between having faith in winning through Him and the reality that sometimes it just doesn't work like that. Well, God says it does work like that.

YAY.

How's that for 'God loves me' evidence? God loves you too!

Now I'm off to indulge in the latest Nobuta episode and the next episode of Kurosagi. Why do Japanese dramas have so few episodes? Only 10 or 11 episodes... *sob*

Oh well. I'm off to laugh hysterically to myself. Tag comments on my insane highness!

Til next time!

2006-10-22T18:56:00.000+08:00

I'm so high but there's no one to share it with me.

My favourite character in Nobuta whom I really really really want to get with the girl is acting in another show where he acts with the same girl and this time does get the girl ;) YAY.

But then I feel so sad because nobody watches Nobuta. So I can only celebrate by myself. Nobuta Power! I tried getting Yanting and Yvonne to watch, but they're all too busy. Whoo.

I better go bathe. My mom dragged me out to exercise even with the HAZE.

Til next time!

2006-10-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

I just came home from watching Death Note with Wan Ying, Kheng Leng and Chelsea. It was not as gory as I had expected, and much more interesting, but I doubt I'll be catching the sequel, which is just plain creepy.

As we were queuing for tickets, my teacher called to inform me to pass down the relay system for all students to write an entry for an English essay competition, which I had entered months before. Apparently, there was not enough entries. Great. More competition. No offense. Except that I have noticed that there is much potential competition all around me, but most people can't be bothered to move their pen.

Anyway. I was reading my entry for a few old essay competitions and I was like, Oh no. I cannot believe I didn't do better. How on earth do I expect to win? And the first prize, which I had been planning to use to buy Christmas presents.

I have got to get over myself.

I'm pooped. Going to read the latest Artemis Fowl sequel.

Til next time.

2006-10-18T18:43:00.000+08:00

Wow. Now that was professional filming. The crew consisted of one producer and two camera men, and they were all very friendly and casual. The producer really reminded me of Yvonne. In a good way ;) They took the interview first (I didn't have to speak a word of Malay!) and then took some random shots. They stayes for almost two hours. Can you believe the aired footage will only be a minute long? Gr. And it's airing in March. Like, next year. Whew. I premiered our film two weeks after starting filming.

Anyway, besides that, this morning all the non-uniform and non-sports CCA group members (in other words, the lazy half of the school) went hiking up Bukit Timah hill with the Outdoor Adventure Club. It was very tiring, but very fun. We attempted to sing, but there really was no breath to be spared from respiration.

Tomorrow I'm watching Death Note with Yanting, Kheng Leng, Wan Ying and maybe Chelsea and Olive. I don't care much for the movie (it's not horror. It's a supernatural thriller) but I like going out with them. YAY.

I tweaked my guitar today. I'm returning to classes at the end of the month. Hello callous fingers.

Yanting is neglecting me again. I suspect she secretly is keeping an obssessive hobby on the computer that prevents her from doing anything else. Basically hypnotising her. So that she never talks to me. And I think it's spreading. Kheng Leng is pretending to be offline. I know she's pretending because she says so herself, she's never online.

So nobody's talking to me. I'm lonely.

Oh well. All geniuses are weird, mad loners. I'm well off enough already.

Til next time!

2006-10-17T18:59:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the official premiere of the film. And if applause is anything to go by, the film wasn't half bad. Despite all the stress and depression, it felt good.

Today I handed in the DV tape version to the teacher in charge. Whew. Over and done with.

I went to the Singapore Art Museum today with my class. It was really fun, and there my favourite art piece was the blank canvas with the words: "THIS ART IS NOT TO BE VISUALLY INTERPRETED", or something to that extent. And a whole bunch of us crowded there staring at it trying to understand. I LOVE it. ;)

And after that I attended a workshop, and Kheng Leng was really nice to me :) so I had a good time even though I didn't want to be there at all. YAY.

Lol. I think I seriously need help. I started on the first draft of a book, an old project, but now I'm finally penning it down. And it seems to have made me high. That, plus the release of the film, has completely made me mad.

Anyway. How come Yanting is not online? She doesn't read my blog anymore. Nobody does (note the depression sinking in once again) except Kheng Leng (who is too nice not too). And if you do, TAG.

I have no topic today, so I've decided to type about the thought-provoking art piece I love so much while waiting for the next episode of Nobuta Wo Produce to load, which is very efficiently uploaded by brilliant Youtube user thinkingofyoux.

So I chanced upon this fascinating piece of written art and set out upon deciphering it. At first I thought it was the line on the ground which separates the viewer from the art piece, so I crouched down and peered very meaningfully at it until someone (Yea Wen, I think) told me what it really was. So I laughed at myself (scaring Kuei Rong into thinking I had gone crazy because I was acting high) and proceeded to peer meaningfully at the art piece instead.

I believe I saw a glowing strand set in the middle of the blank canvas, but Zheng Yang was convinced it was just a random accidental splash of chemicals. I doubt that, but Olive declared that it was an optical illusion which we should stare at for 40 seconds before staring hard at the blank canvas and we would see some secret code or something.

I think Chelsea came the closest to the truth. She said the art work was really the reaction of the people trying to understand the statement. I am inclined to believe that, as it said "VISUALLY INTERPRETED", so the meaning behind the art piece would not be found on the art itself. Of course, I didn't tell Chelsea that or she'll get high, too.

And thus ends my blog entry for the day. Oh yeah, Kids Central is coming tomorrow to interview me on the Malay Special Programme. I know, KIDS CENTRAL? On MSP? I have no idea how I'm going to get through that. But, oh well, one always has to start out small.

AND THEN ONE DAY I WILL RULE THE WORLD.

Yes, I am high.

Til next time!

2006-10-15T20:16:00.000+08:00

Ugh. I am BORED. Yes, like Yanting, I have been reduced to using that word. Because my fellow bored companion is currently engaged in brainless activity: computer games.

I finished the film, this time in satisfaction. Tomorrow I have to ask if my teacher is still willing to submit it for me. Or I shall send it in myself. And yes, I have produced it in a DVD so Kheng Leng, you can watch it tomorrow.

Whoops. Here's a treasure: looks like a Japanese drama called Nobuta Wo Produce. Now I've found something interesting on Youtube. HA, Yanting. I'm not a mindless robot twiddling my fingers on the keyboard to make a virtual figure sing and dance. At least I'm an artistic robot inhaling fresh hilarious ideas from the internet.

I take my leave (conveniently forgetting the topic of the day).

Til next time!

2006-10-13T15:57:00.000+08:00

I am angry. And anger+me is not a pretty sight.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I WASTED ALL MY TIME AND MENTAL SANITY. ALL BECAUSE- ALL BECAUSE- ARGH. It is always an emotional capacity when you refuse to use vulgarities.

Let me calm myself down enough to explain. If one has been following my recent posts, you would easily realise I was struggling to finish a film. I was under immense stress because the dateline for the submission was tomorrow. SUPPOSEDLY.

My mother, feeling the stress on my part, decided to call the organisers to inquire on the dateline. And APPARENTLY it's been postponed. TO THE 21st, WHICH IS ONE WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK LATER.

And I've rushed and crashed-filmed and despaired and edited and stressed out and they say THE DATELINE IS POSTPONED?! Is this ignorance on the part of myself, or THE TEACHER IN CHARGE? Who also happens to be the one who marked my English paper.

And gave me a decidedly disappointing score. Gr. GR, I say.

It was a good essay. A very nice one. Unless it was out of point, and if so I will not argue. But otherwise...!

I am sad. I am depressed. I have reached the stage after initial anger. DESPAIR. For the second time this week. Why? Because I zipped through everything and wasted all my time when I could have taken my time and produced a better piece of work. A presentable piece of work. I am very unhappy.

DIE EVIL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.

Sigh. Anyway, in other news, I received a select few of my results today. My Chinese is a failure, quite literally, but my Literature is satisfactory.

Bleach 247 rocks, by the way. It cheered me up. RUKIA AND ICHIGO FOREVER.

Ahem. So... I don't really have much to say today. What about a picture then?

Aw... This is a cut from a great manga with a TERRIBLE ending (because nobody got the girl), called 'Penguin Brothers'. Oh well. I'm off to slack.

Til next time.

2006-10-12T13:51:00.000+08:00

We finished filming two days ago. Unbelievable, but we actually managed to complete filming in two days, but actual working under 24 hours. Of course, because of the time limit, I missed out a few connecting scenes, and am forced to edit the script again. I might lose five years of my life span over this. -_-

And yesterday, Kheng Leng, Yea Wen and I went to Amanda's house to do voiceovers and finish editing. Unfortunately history repeated itself when I forget that Amanda's computer does not have a compatible plug/wire/whatever and we could only do voiceovers.

Guess who's doing video editing alone?

Not that I'm complaining. It's like a sadistic kind of pleasure, because I'm all stressed out and frustrated but I love cutting and pasting those wretched clips of film to create a random piece of art. I'm quite at a loss though, and I am at the verge of despairing.

Winning is not on my to-do list, I'll say that much.

Anyway, at around 4pm, I'm meeting my friends to go celebrate Olive's birthday. We're going bowling. I hope the birthday girl doesn't break any bones (joke). And then after that I'll head to net group alone. I have no sense of direction whatsoever, so I'm reading maps in an attempt to avoid getting lost.

I better continue my editing (excuse to not use brain juices for topic of the day).

Til next time!

2006-10-09T18:49:00.000+08:00

Hello. Filming commenced today, and it was quite successful. I had lots of fun with the cast and crew. After we filmed in school (we had to find another rooftop because the scheduled one was under renovation -_-") we headed to Chelsea's house. It's a really spacious house, and I daresay everyone had a great time eating pizza, swimming and playing Playstation in between filming.

Well... I'm not in the mood to blog today. But I'm so BORED. I feel like Yanting, using the B-word.

Anyway, I'm very concerned about tomorrow. For one, we need to complete filming. And we're going through our test papers so there will be no time to film. Gr. Secondly, I don't know if we'll be getting our papers back, and I am FREAKING OUT. You know the times when you sail through your exams only to realise your results are an absolute failure? I think this is one of those times.

I am pooped. I shall go pull out a photo for you.
Can you say 'Aw'? I know I can for a few million times in a row.

Til next time!

2006-10-08T17:21:00.000+08:00

Wow. PIE was... strange, in a word.

Let me start from the beginning. I arrived at school a bit before 3pm and met Yanting. We (actually, Yanting) started painting blocks we were to sell, and I poked about my things to make sure they were all intact. Then Xin Yu came, followed by Kheng Leng, Wan Ling, Yea Wen, Wei Qing, Olive and it was quite an affair as the people flitted in and out. Then Amanda, Wan Ying and Chelsea arrived with their items and I started stressing out on marking everything down. After awhile we headed to set up our stall and began displaying items and hanging signs. More people came and then the festival started.

Then many interesting things happened. For one, nobody seemed to be buying anything, but the money box kept becoming heavier. Two, everyone kept bustling in and out so it was sweltering, especially with the increasing haze. Nothing seemed to be missing from our table, and I was quite depressed. But twoone was very active and enthusiastic, so it didn't matter that I was grumpy because everyone was making up for my negative ions. :)

I was- no, am very impressed with the human spirit. I don't know what kept us going. It made me feel... encouraged.

Anyway, the haze proved to be a very wet blanket. The PSI reached a very unhealthy level, it seems, and the school committee finally decided it was dangerous enough to chase everyone out. The haze made everything foggy and very dusty and I felt suffocated. We threw everything into the classroom and emptied out of the school.

Then my dad picked me up to return home and we enclosed ourselves inside and watched the little icon at the corner of the television screen increase as the air-conditioner level decreased. But I awoke to a lovely blue sky this morning. I had almost given up hope of seeing a clear sky.

Well. One project gone and another awaits. Tomorrow, filming of 'Dear Sir' will commence even as the rest of Nan Hua High sleeps due to Marking Day. Sigh.

It's nothing personal, I love my grandma. Just that being with her and my estranged relatives is stifling. I know they're good people, I just kind of live in a different universe. Like, they speak Hokkien and I speak, well, English with a dash of Chinese. Let's face it: It's difficult to relate. I don't function the way they do.

So today's topic was relations. I actually can relate much better to my relatives on my mother's side because they are pretty much the same age as me, and after all, I speak their language.

So languages and generation gaps all affect the level and intimacy of relationships. Of course, I admit that if I attempted to listen and learn more Hokkien and understand the way my relatives are coming from, I expect I would be able to accept them fine. So willingness is also a factor in relationship-building.

Point made. I shall now go prepare and do last minute edits to the script.

Til next time.

2006-10-07T12:33:00.000+08:00

The haze is getting into me. I was convinced that the haze would cause everything to stop, including PIE, but surprisingly enough, no call came informing me that the celebrations are cancelled. Instead, I received messages from classmates all ready and geared up to go. It feels good to know that some people are prepared. Because I am far from it. But no matter.

I suppose I thought that the haze would affect everyone greatly, especially once it reached the unhealthy range. But people still went on driving private vehicles, locking themselves up in air-conditioned rooms, and of course, lighting candles in honour of Lantern Festival. I have a good mind to ban candles tonight.

It shows ignorance, that people seem to treat haze as a passing trend, and continue polluting and increasing the level of pollution. But then again, it shows the strength to move on. "Like, it's only haze?"

I can't remember the last time I saw a haze this bad. Or maybe I just didn't care then. Hm.

PIE seems to be taking off well thanks to the determined help of Xin Yu, Chelsea, Kheng Leng, Yanting and Yea Wen. Yesterday, we breezed to JEC to eat, waltzed over to Popular, bused to IMM to brainstorm at Daiso (and made a loud fuss), picked several fantastic ideas, missed a bus, went back through Popular and landed in the library in the end. All in all, had a great though tiring time with them.

Then I went swimming and tired myself out more.

It was an awesome day.

No topic today. Bleach 98 is downloadable now. I don't think I will be able to understand it. Oh well.

Til next time!

2006-10-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

NEW. BLEACH. OPENING. AWESOME.

Because it's alternate universe with all the story outlines and of course, a hint of IchiRuki. WATCH IT.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SzxVbUKx0SA

Anyway, last exam (Art) tomorrow. And I'm zapped. No energy whatsoever. I fasted from the internet a few days ago, and I realised there's more to life than the computer. I can actually survive without breathing in computer positive ions! Amazing. I should fast more often.

Just felt like blogging like a normal person before reading the LAST CHAPTERS OF SPIRAL. Ayumu likes Hiyono who is not really Hiyono but I'm sure she likes him too. YAY AYUHIYO.

I'm so excited I want to wait even longer before concluding my journey with Spiral. But who cares.

Til next time!

2006-09-29T14:01:00.000+08:00

What am I doing online for 3 hours when I should be doing Chinese assessments and drawing my Art?!

I wonder. Maybe it's because I'm cramping like crazy and I vomitted up the once-delicious meefen I had for brunch. Oh well. At least I'm not belching onto the computer.

But really, after vomitting I feel excellent(as excellent as one could possibly be at a period like this), like I've just passed a test.

It's not true, I have five exams left. This reminds me to say that my woman's intuition has never actually activated before, and I, as a true-blood female, have no sixth sense whatsoever. Gr.

The reason why I'm writing so extremely candidly today is because I'm quite sure no one else goes online during this time, if so just to browse powerpoint slides of great importance. After all, no one has tagged me these past few days. Not that I'm complaining or anything.

Ouran 26 rocks, by the way. And I've discovered a Spiral Ayumu/Hiyono shrine, which is truly fantastic. And here's a very nice music video of Ouran:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=EawimqAHqWc

Tsk. I really should discipline myself. My mother is quite amazed at my ability to be so relaxed during the exams. I wonder at myself too.

I realise my poem yesterday was not very well done. Don't worry, I'm not going to remake it.

Instead, I'm going to write ANOTHER one. And it has nothing to do with the exams! It's called read, by the way.

Here we go again
Running in circles
like no one cares

Spinning words
out of the air
doesn't matter
if he's not there

Facades
are such a bother
Open your eyes
come to realise

Words are nothing
what is said is
hardly ever true

Anyway

What comes
louder than words
Actions
have no say in tears

Sometimes
it's there
between the
l i n e s

Make an effort
right in front of you
No need to stumble
in turns of U

Once and awhile
behind the veils
squint a little
past the coldness

Reads the human.

Well. It's not excellent either. But at least I tried. Off to attempt to study!

Til next time!

2006-09-28T19:10:00.000+08:00

HOHO. I'M DOWNLOADING OURAN SUBBED 26 NOW. HA! I bet Yanting doesn't even know it exists because Lunar hasn't finished subbing, and I'm downloading a private fan sub. The quality might be lousy, but the spoilers(I have got to get over them) look AWESOME.

Ahem. Anyway, I had the first of my EOY today. Three at one go: English, History and Malay. -_-" And the cause of my PMS arrived at the end of my Malay exam. Gr. But it's not very serious, not like last time, with the vomit and everything.

Being female is hard work.

Here's my contribution for the day:

Plunged
into the dread
of pens scratching
in the deathly silence

Fans whispering loudly
drowning out thoughts
Falling out of time
running over and again

Again
stuck at the edge
but not quite there
fear limps fingers

Shredded wood
flipping
teasing
anxious

No way out
"Pens down"
is said
Bitten by lips

Give and take
Shoulders slump
Still not over
there's more yet

More reading
intaking
exhaling
tensing

One last lap
Make it worth
the whole year
when the time comes

What is due
will be paid
and what is yours
you will take

Exams are no fun
but they'll end
Make no mistake
Just do what you should.

:) Just felt like slacking off and doing poetry for once. This being said, I should be studying Geography powerpoint slides now.

Whoo. Ouran download status: 60%. 24 minutes left!

Til next time!

2006-09-27T17:39:00.001+08:00

English, History and Malay tomorrow. Ah, the sweet scent of torture.

Anyway. My computer is running at a snail's pace and my MSN converations are hanging. Gr. I finished revising my History, and will probably do an English comprehension later.

Ouran 26 RAW is out. AHHHHHHHHHH.

And my desperate mission for Ouran Subbed begins once again. Spiral, on the other hand, rocks more and more with every spoiler. NO MORE SPOILERS.

Exam period is not a good time for mood swings.

I am going to be tragically forsaken in the holidays. Bettie is off to India and Vivian, Chelsea and Yanting are heading for China. I have thus decided to write a book of short stories during my holidays on this. Well, not entirely about being deserted, of course. That's secondary. I shall pen down an entire LEGEND.

Well. Big dreams are always a good start.

So today I basically didn't do anything any more important than washing my hair. Oh, and I read an article of a drunk boy who climbed some telephone pole and almost fell off, but luckily did not. Then a drunk man shot him, and he very unluckily died.

Now that is ironic.

Irony is not very big in my life. Unless of course, you count the times when I think I'm going to fail an exam but I get highest, or when I think I'm going to ace an exam but I fail it. But irony is happening all the time. In fact, lots of things happen all the time, at the same time.

Light rays are reflected, sound waves are vibrating, chemicals are bonding, magma is boiling, the ozone layer is dissolving, desertification is occurring, the internet is running, the stars are twinkling, the countries are at war, babies are being kidnapped, music is playing, time is slipping away, people are living, souls are involved in their lives.

Exams do strange things to me. And if you read that entire paragraph, your patience is very much commendable. If you understood it, you have potential there. Tag me.

By the way, I found the Joi Chua song I was looking for. It was under another person's name, the pianist who played the song. -_-"

Til next time!

2006-09-27T17:39:00.000+08:00

2006-09-26T16:19:00.000+08:00

I didn't blog yesterday because I came home at dinner time with TONS of homework. So today I actually feel like I have lots to say and I have to spill it all out without forgetting anything because my brother is bugging me to get off the computer.

Yesterday, my class was lectured by a teacher for 45 minutes, standing, about what kind of cultured students we should be. I'm not saying I completely disagree with her, but there were some parts of her speech I feel rather strongly about. First of all, she should not have compared us with other students. We can be cultured and polite, it's just that we aren't. It's a choice: Do you want to pick up that trash or not? It's a mark of selfishness or selflessness. And to be selfish or selfless is very much personal. We can try to infuse values, but in the end the students are the one making the choices.

And what influences their choices? Their characters. And what influences character? The environment. And we can't choose our environment, can we? So we round back to choices.

Ouran 25 was okay. I'm not exactly addicted to it. Not to my recent crazed extent. I managed to find the last chapter of Spiral, and I totally spoiled myself. Spoiled, as in spoiled the ending.

I can't resist spoilers. For anything; movies, anime, manga, I just can't. And then I regret it and start moaning and groaning but I already know the ending and I can't erase it. But I love spoilers. I can't stand it! Gr.

Spiral rocks anyway.

Today was pretty normal, we were writing testimonials for each other during Character Development, and it was quite mad. I was writing, writing, writing so much I could only squeeze in one line for my own testimonial before we had to hand it in. But I am, of course, secretly very pleased.

Writing testimonials makes one think, no matter how hard, of the good points of a person. And then for a moment you remember how blessed you are to know that person and how treasured that person is. :) It just gives me that nauseating tingly feeling.

Now, I admit I am an extremely sensitive person. So I am very affected by the little things around me. Every action, every uttered word means millions. Maybe that's why I'm rather delusional and moody. Anyway, perhaps that is why I feel especially guilty when I talk badly about other people. Because I know I would be very depressed if people talked badly about me, so I tend to get defensive about talking bad.

Does that make sense?

I feel like eating red bean ice-cream. I don't even like red bean ice-cream.

Til next time!

2006-09-24T17:48:00.000+08:00

I KNEW IT.

Ouran 25 DOES NOT WORK.

I'm off to Youtube, which is NOT BIASED LIKE THE REST OF THE INTERNET.

TIL NEXT TIME.

2006-09-24T16:30:00.000+08:00

So yesterday, I was downloading Ouran 25, and my brother switched the computer off.

GAH.

WHY???!!!

I'm starting to think with so much suspense, the episode won't turn out so well for me, and I'll be dying for the last episode anyway. Now I'm looking for Joi Chua's Chinese version of the theme song for MiSa, 'I'm Sorry I Love You'. And I can't find it. I can find a lot of her songs but I can't find that very one. Gr.

The internet is BIASED against me. BIASED.

I went to church early, and returned home after lunch. I read a bit of Chemistry, looked through my brother's carelessly done English paper(MY brother is so cleverer than that) and went online, conveniently putting my Chemistry aside.

My English teacher called me yesterday. And told me to tell the class to bring the 2005 EOY Comprehension passage(you hear that, 201?). After which I dialled XinYu and she suggested we ask them to choose between printing the school or class logo in the front of our next class tee. So I had a few people calling me at my cousin's birthday party, asking me what on earth they were supposed to pass down. I started the class relay system yesterday afternoon, and still nobody has called me to confirm that everyone has received the message. Oh twoone~

I was looking back at my past posts for my old blog, and I was horrified. I was so very ungrateful! Well, I've learnt my mistake.

I googled my name yesterday, and at the top was my old blog. -_-" Apparently, it was the post where I has declared that I, (my name), had officially failed my first exam. I'm not going to text my name so I won't be found on Google or any other very capable search engine out there.

Ooh, my latest attempt at downloading Ouran has reached 81%! I think I just might be able to watch Ouran 25 today! YAY.

Here's a random screencap from Stacie Orrico's very cute music video for 'Everything'.

Til next time!

2006-09-23T16:14:00.000+08:00

ARGH. THE INTERNET IS EVIL.

I finally can download Ouran 25, and the MegaUpload says there are NO SLOTS AVAILABLE, and the SendSpace file keeps stopping halfway. Now it's 3% done, and there's 1 entire hour left. Gr.

I did manage to download Bleach chapter 244, and where is Rukia, may I ask? Why is Ichigo without Rukia, AGAIN?

Hmph.

Anyway, today, I actually was determined to study really really hard. I attempted a Maths paper, but I couldn't do 1/3 of it, which is pretty much a failure. And I read through my Physics notes, but I doubt anything went in. Maybe I should try Chemistry next. But I shudder when I think of the amount I need to remember. Gah.

I have a cousin's party to attend later, so I will be able to see my cousins :) That cheers me, at least. Hillsong's United We Stand CD rocks. And if the Ouran download is unsuccessful again, I can always use Youtube.

So everything's good.

Let me see. I was thinking last night while brushing my teeth. I thought of a topic, but now I can't remember. Gr.

Never mind. I shall leave you with a nice video that makes you wonder what the maker is trying to convey. Very nice effects. I shall provide the URL because my text space is sadly limited.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PsrcVV7nsb8

Til next time!

2006-09-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

I'm home after a long, sweaty day.

Thanks for returning the classroom key, Jeremiah. ;)

I had my first papers today, and I think I won't fail, at the least. Anyway, that's the least of my worries. I was having back aches and cramps throughout the day. PMS is not friendly. And I hope it comes soon before the exams start for real.

Gr. Exams. They suck the life out of me. I know I have to study, but that just makes me want to avoid studying more. I have no idea why.

I borrowed something from my friend who had borrowed it from another friend, and I feel very guilty, so I know I probably should not have without the owner's permission even though I'll return it soon.

I have this extremely over-senstitve conscience, but I'm not complaining.

No topic today. Or photograph not taken by me. I shall have to stock up on my photographs not taken by me. I haven't had a lot of stress free time to think lately.

I'm off to desweat myself.

Til next time!

2006-09-21T17:34:00.000+08:00

ARGH. I need my Ouran fix! But I can't bear to watch the raw. I shall have to persevere.

Anyway. Today nothing much happened. Vivian and Wan Zheng were talking to my Chemistry teacher, and I cut in. We found out she had scored As for every subject in her 'O' Levels except Chemistry. But she still became a chemist and then she went on to teach. She said if you have a passion, it's okay if you're not good at it.

I don't really believe it, but I buy it. It's a comforting and inspiring thought, because my English Literature is lousy and my English always falters, especially for comprehension. So it's okay if I don't do well, because I have a passion. YAY.

Skipping on to the topic. Today I was thinking about languages. In Singapore, we have two reigning languages, namely English and Chinese. So I was wondering which one was easier(of course English is, to me) but then I realised Chinese with its weird characters with specific ways of pronounciations and English with its past, present, perfect tenses and what not are both intensely difficult. You have to keep reading and reading and reading to get it well-developed.

Languages are very unfun because you can't memorise anything except good phrases like 'fluffy white clouds dotting the sky' or whatever that opening sentence is. Read read and read.

Languages are evil.

But they are how people communicate with what they have: sound. Vocal chords and ear bones and vibrations and sound waves.

Yeah. I'm learning sound in Physics now.

Oh well. I'm off to eat my lovely Korean noodles!

Til next time!

2006-09-20T18:29:00.000+08:00

Okay. I've had my dose of vulgarities today, and it's enough to last my entire life. But you can't escape them. Especially on the internet.

Anyway, I AM DYING TO WATCH OURAN 25. OMG. Tamaki gets engaged!!! And he wants to dissolve the host club. GAH. YANTING. I WANT MY OURAN 25.

This is when all my stable-headedness disappears completely. AHHHHH.

In other news, I've tossed the film project aside to make space for the EOY exams. Well, not really, but I'm trying to put it in the back of my mind. It's amazing how many people are willing to take part. Ok, it's minute compared to whatever other camera crews there are out there, but I'm good.

By the way, Kheng Leng, I can't tag you. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Studying is murder.

I shall spare anyone reading and not mention my day, because nothing big happened. I'm waiting for the essay competition to be released, and I keep getting premonitions that their coming out soon, then I have to remind myself I might not win at all. There are, after all, always people better than you.

So I better start on my topic of the day before dinner starts and my dad has to chase me off the computer.

Chance.

Chances, or opportunities. Take them, grab them, don't let go. Sometimes you find it hard to see them, but there are all there.

Whoo. My grandma is complaining of our maid. Well. What to do? Stuff happens. Nothing is ever happily ever after until heaven.

That's all for now.

Til next time.

2006-09-19T15:51:00.000+08:00

Uh-oh. There seems to be a scheduled outage for blogspot at 4pm. Can you schedule outages? I better make this fast.

I'm actually supposed to be writing a Malay essay and editing the script and studying Chinese and Geography, but, what do you know. I'm blogging. Oh well.

So anyway, exams coming right up, which is creepy and depressing. But I'll deal with that later. The script is improving, with the aid of so many people I better not name or I'll run out of time. There was a bit of problem with the cast, we haven't found all our actors, but we're getting there. And there was a bit of fuss because SOMEBODY didn't want to act with SOMEBODY. But it's all settled and I'm grateful to both parties who willingly sacrifice their beliefs to act.

Let's skip today's topic and I'll present a lovely photograph(not mine) as a peace offering.Til next time!

2006-09-17T09:12:00.000+08:00

I had no time to blog yesterday. It was quite insane.

I reached school at 9.30am to study with Yanting before Maths supplementary. We ended up studying very little and watching Ouran 23, which was lovely because we all know Tamaki and Haruhi must end up together. MUST.

And then we were really hungry, so we dialled Kheng Leng Delivery and had her buy McDonald's for us! So we were eating fries and nuggets right in front of our Maths teacher (who also kindly agreed to act in our film!) and after that I was quite satisfied that I had done something useful that day (which means I did not do any homework after that).

After that I walked home, and two hours later I headed to The Edge. I met Joy, who is wonderful and bought me a Snickers bar, and a Spanish pastor whose name I will not spell in fear of misspelling it and insulting him. His sermon was fantastic, and I truly received God's blessing last night. Awesome.

So now I'm blogging so early because class before service was cancelled last minute and I had nothing to do but wait for my family to wake up so we can go to church and while waiting I might as well do my Chinese powerpoint but halfway through the Chinese software went nuts s now I have to postpone the making of my Chinese powerpoint and meet Yanting online later to make her translate for me.

How distressing.

Oh wait, now it works. Thanks anyway, Yanting.

I hope to get my script done today so I shall start now while I mull over what background to use for the powerpoint.

Decisions, decisions. What shall our topic be today? Decisions.

Making choices can sometimes be a very critical thing. Some people say what ever you do or say plants seeds in other people's hearts. It could be influence, an opinion, idea, or just a judging of your character. Everything you do is a choice. You can choose to rebel, or obey. Listen, or shut your ears. Study, or slack. Which are all very difficult to choose the right thing.

Knowing what is right is one thing. Choosing to do it is another.

Well, I'm off to script.

Til next time!

2006-09-15T19:38:00.000+08:00

Scripting is insane.

Anyway, we, or maybe just I, had a blast at P.E. today. Boys Vs Girls, and I daresay girls were much better than last time. I sweated a whole lot. It was awesome.

At Art we were dismissed late for lunch, and on the way back to class, Vivian, Yanting, Wan Zheng, Yea Wen, Olive and I encountered our principal talking to Jeremiah and a few of the other guys. Then he rounded on us and introduced this little laptop to us, asking our opinion. The screen is too small, I say. But our prinicipal is a good guy. He's truly Singaporean, but very Nan Hua as well. A father figure for the "Nan Hua big family".

Then after school I sat for English oral. Gr. I was nervous, but I thought I did okay. Swallowed my words a bit, I think but otherwise it was okay.

So... today's topic? Let's talk funny.

Funny has many definitions. Hilarious, and weird. Hilarious as in something which makes you smile or laugh and there is nothing to talk about that. We want to talk about weird as in unusual and not normal.

What makes you think something is funny? If it is not ordinary? If everyone else does not think it's normal? Let's talk people. What makes a person funny, weirdness-wise? If that person is not like others? If that person is not well-liked?

I sit at the edge of the classroom, so sometimes I get left out of conversations. I'm not really the kind of person to initiate conversations, so I wonder if I didn't make friends with the people around me, would I be considered funny? If I didn't make myself accepted, would I be outcast? Then what chooses if we are funny or not? Is it ourselves? Or is it inevitable? Is there a way to make yourself unfunny? Then what defines unfunny?

Is it that we make ourselves to be liked so we won't be called unfunny? How do we do it then? Subconsciousness maybe.

Oh well. I don't have time to think much. I have exams to revise for, scripts to phrase and videos to watch.

By the way, Stacie Orrico was marvelous on Singapore Idol yesterday. I watched the whole Extra and Results Show waiting for her to appear. She didn't disappoint. Lovely.

Oh, while we're on the subject of funny, this is Fun-Nee.

2006-09-14T17:10:00.000+08:00

I didn't blog yesterday. I forgot.

Hm. And what does that say about me?

And two weeks to End-of-Year exams. I haven't settled the PIE @ Nan Hua details yet. GAH. MUST. GET. IT. DONE.

Sometime.

How come Yvonne has eighty reviews for , while I only have ten?

Does anyone else see a major gap in reading rates, or is it just me?

And then there's the film. We decided to try filming two, but there's no CONFLICT. GAH. Don't get me wrong though, I love this filming business. It's fantastic. There's just no time to enjoy it.

Darn examinations.

I'm stressing myself out again. But studying is such a chore. When you could be doing so much more, I mean. Like writing scripts. And fictions. Which nobody reviews, may I add.

But getting seated and reading and memorising something you don't like. Ugh. Drilling, I say, DRILLING. I don't know how some people do it.

Anyway, topic. Topic...

Loneliness?

There's a phrase: Alone but not lonely. As Yanting would say: self-entertainment. Well... Even self-entertainment can't keep a person from feeling lonely. You can even be lonely when you're in the middle of a whole crowd of people.

The definition of lonely: "affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome."

Interesting. Then again, that's only one meaning, but that's enough.

A "depressing feeling of being alone". What makes being alone depressing? Human nature? Hopelessness because nobody is there? Insecurity? Boredom?

I think hard.

Perhaps too much talking to yourself makes you depressed. How fun can you be? Loneliness is... subjective, I suppose. I, for one, can talk to myself for hours. There's tons to say, but I'll still feel sad and meaningless.

Love your hair Charis. Really? I was actually thinking of trimming it. Think I should watch a movie with myself? Sure, why not? Let's start a debate about Bleach: Ichigo/Rukia? Duh.

Yeah. I won't be lonely for a very long time.

Til next time!

2006-09-12T16:26:00.000+08:00

Nobody reviewed me for the new chapter of Goosechase. Well, that stings.

I discovered a film competition today, and pulled in LYT, Kheng Leng, XinYu, Amanda and lots of other people. But no male actors. It's not likely we can win, but class bonding is cool. Except now we're stuck in the exam period, so we have to rush everything after the exams to make the deadline. Sounds fun!

Competitions are tiring though. It's hard enough getting your entry in, then you stress out about winning. Then after that you fuss about the unfair judging. Oh well.

I don't feel like writing today. So here's a photograph. Once again, not mine.

2006-09-11T19:23:00.000+08:00

It was the first day of the new term and I disappointed myself. I actually managed to anger a classmate, act in a Literature skit and get stressed over the class again. whoo.

I think there's more than that but anyway.

I shall do better tomorrow. JIA YOU.

I invented a new movie recently. Actually, I'm always making up television series and movies, ever since I was really young(wishful thinking?). Maybe I'll be a scriptwriter before I get married and have three(or four) kids and become a famous writer. That's a pleasant thought :)

Before I get carried away though, I think this movie is fantastic. Ha, I tried narrating it to LYT and Xin Yu at Malay class today, but I think they weren't really interested. I haven't got the middle part settled yet though...

By the way, MSN is not working for me now, so LYT, that's why I'm not online.

So I was pondering on my lack of success today, and I realised I'm not really a success kind of person. As in, I'm not cut out to be the world's definition of success. But of course, we(or more accurately, I) discussed about success before, and we know we all have different standards of success for ourselves.

But there are people cut out for success all around me, and they show it in their artistic talents and amazing exam results. And I've never seen some of this people even pay attention in class before.

Fairness is not a virtue of the world.

My success is to win a Nobel Prize for my writing. WHOA.

I can't believe I just typed that.

Moving on: Today's topic? Hm. What about peace?

My mother just told a story, about this army that was being chased by their enemies, but managed to escape in the end. Why? The captain or whatever person in charge ordered those wounded to take the last of the bombs and hold off the enemies while the rest of the army ran for it. In this decision, the army sacrificed all those wounded to save other lives. It seems EVIL and CRUEL and COLD-BLOODED to me, but from the big view, the in-charge made a choice. He sacrificed those who would have slowed the army down, and escaped with those who were most likely able to fight again.

So, what does this have to do with peace?

Peace requires sacrifices. And if the situation persists, war might be needed to regain peace. Like, causing the storm to bring the calm.

Well. That certainly turned the depression up a notch.

I'm off to hope dearly that my essay was submitted in the essay competition.

Til next time~

2006-09-10T16:46:00.000+08:00

Stuff happens.

Oh well. Lazy day, been dragging it out while reading Diana Wynne Jones' Hexwood. There was an Aussie band playing today, and Pastor Jeremy preached. YAY. Awesomely hilarious sermon, as usual.

Now I've finished MiSa, I'm quite at a loss. Ashamedly, I seem to have lost a tiny bit of interest in Silence. (Don't tell Chelsea ;)) And it comes out slow anyway.

Now I have to link my cousin and Cheyenne. And pack my homework. And print out my essay. I hope it rains. So nobody can pull me out to exercise.

What a waste of good ink.

Topic of the day? What's that?

Til next time~

(ignorance is bliss...)

2006-09-09T14:19:00.000+08:00

MiSa is the best, most awesome, heart-warming, tragic, saddest show on the face of the earth. Or at least, of all the shows I've ever watched. No show has ever made me want to cry, but the last episode had me filled to the brim with tears.

WHY MUST THEY DIE???!!!

Sigh. Anyway. Today morning my family went walking around the park. Yes, we walk, not jog. We're a whole bunch of lazy bums, except my father who is very fit and goes to the gym almost three times a week. Then we had brunch and came home. We'll be heading for the library and then PIZZA! before joining my cousins to swim. Or, if you want to get technincal, playing in the water.

Today's topic is funerals. If you ever need to know how people feel about you(or all the good stuff about you), attend your own funeral. Well, that's virtually impossible, and even if you could, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyway.

Which is just sad. I finished reading Tuesdays With Morrie, and the wise professor got a living funeral together so that everyone could tell him how they loved him with him being there and not, you know, dead. We should all do that. I would love to pretend I died and see everyone sob and regret they hadn't been nice to me and then appear and go "HA", but then of course everyone would be furious at me so...

So I'm thinking about that, and then I wonder if everyone would like the same thing. Have other people regret they hadn't been nice or understanding to someone. Then I should probably start being nice and understand to everyone so I won't regret it.

I've lost people to death before. But that was when I was really young so it didn't really impact me. But I remember when my cousins passed away, I kept thinking of the time before they left I had got childishly angry at them, and then...

The guilt stays. Emotions last longer than you think.

Don't stay still. Doing something is better than doing nothing at all. Just do the right thing.

Hm.

Til next time.

2006-09-08T12:15:00.000+08:00

Music plays. The world spins into oblivion. There is only the clciking of the keyboard. This is mine and mine alone.

It's all in perspective.

The world is what you see. What do you see from where you stand? Do you see the millions of people working day after day for the survival of their children, their parents? Do you see the hundreds of unpaid volunteers dragging it out for those who can't move for themselves? Do you see the people struggling to live, to make a mark in this world? Do you see what they see?

Or do you see the dark alleys? The home of stray cats, where drunkards stumble by before robbing or murdering some poor soul? Do you see your parents not giving you enough, not paying enough attention? Do you see the meaningless lives led day after day? Why do they even bother anyway? It's hopeless...

Whose fault is it, how you see the world? Is it the people who raise you? The people who teach you how to see the world? Can they choose for you how you see the world? Can they force their perspectives on you?

Stop blaming other people for your perspective. It's your way of seeing your parents, your brother, your friends, your teachers. Stop blaming them for not fitting into your perspective. Their perspectives are different from yours.

Slap yourself. WAKE UP. You can only choose your own perspective, you can't choose theirs. And it's up to you to make your perspective suit your liking. You can change it. Just try.

Well.

Now that's all said and done, I can start properly. In case you haven't noticed, today's topic is perspective.

I just had to get it off my chest. And whether you want to accept or not, or decide that my perspective is a load of trash, that's your decision.

Anyway. I can't remember much about yesterday. Um. I was... bored, I think. But somehow, I didn't have that kind of useless feeling. I finished my evolution essay and handed it in, and I blogged.

Hm.

I went out last night to the supermarket across the street to get potato chips with my dad. Sometimes my dad overeacts, especially when it comes to discipline, and I can't say I appreciate that. But my dad's a good man through and through, with his flaws. He's a good dad to the end.

So we bought two packs of chips. I convinced him that it was buying only one would be a waste of a trip down.

Ha.

Perspective people, perspective.

Til next time~

2006-09-07T10:19:00.000+08:00

Well. I thought and thought and thought and finally had a pathetic little idea.

I gave it to LYT and she said it didn't appeal. I agree if the idea was used differently, it would be better. LYT then suggested I do an argumentative or discussion but I do not favour arguing or talking to myself. Just... thinking to myself is good enough.

Anyway, I still attempted discussion, but then the idea developed and I found myself with a new idea. It is more relevant, but very depressing.

So I was in a depressed state when Vivian called last night, to discuss her book review. I explained my depressed state to her, and she laughed. Her laugh is even more tickling over the phone, probably because you can't see her laughing.

Back to the topic, after we hung up and I went back to my depressing essay, Vi sms-ed me. I shan't quote what she said, but it was very encouraging. :) Feels lovely to have friends like LYT and Vi who tell me not to look down on myself and not get depressed. Shook me out of depressed self immediately.

It's good to have good friends.

I just watched Bleach 93. I got tired of downloading each episode of Bleach and Ouran High School so I'm relying on LYT's shared folder now. And so I get one episode every, what, 5 days? Talk about deprived. But I can't bring myself to watch on Youtube. It's just that I always watch the downloaded version, and I'm happy with the downloaded version thank you very much so I shan't watch the Youtube version SO THERE.

Sometimes when we're asked to explain our idiocrasies, we get oddly defensive. It's just a part of us, and we don't want to let go.

Talking about letting go, my computer hard drive was complaining about the lack of space the other day, so I set out on the task of deleting items. Turns out, I have a lot of pictures and videos I can live without. I collect and collect but a few months later, they don't mean much to me. Proves that sometimes, letting go only takes time.

Today's topic of the day is guilt. It has come to my attention that half the class hasn't paid for the class party on Teachers' Day. If you were there, please PAY.

Because we live in a materialistic world, and materials need money.

Anyway, the other half of the class paid, and I collected the money. Yesterday after Malay class, my EZlink was -$0.10 so I borrowed $0.60 from the class. I would pay back, but I still felt guilty. Why?

I know I'm going to pay back, so why do I feel guilty? I'm in charge of the money, so if I didn't tell anyone, nobody would know. It's a test of morals, and I already made my mind to return the money. So why do I feel guilty?

Maybe I'm tempted to not return the money. The class owes me money for the drinks anyway, I could say. But I still feel guilty.

Human nature. Your conscience knows best. If you feel guilty, it's wrong.

And for the record, I put back the sixty cents already.

Talking about that, PIE @ Nan Hua is killing me. Figuratively, that is. It just reminds me that I'm going to have to talk to the class again and half of them are not going to listen again and there're going to be lots of problems again and we'll have to bear with each other again and we might not do very well again and I would feel bad again.

You get the cycle?

Well, I wrote a lot today. I think I'll save the photos for when I have nothing to write.

I'm off to close the window so the wind will stop messing up my hair even though nobody can see my hair.

Til next time~

2006-09-06T15:13:00.000+08:00

I finally found out the topics for the third essay-competition, and I chose the one easiest to remember: Evolution.

Easiest to remember, hardest to accomplish. Figures.

Besides that, today I had Malay class and, upon meeting LYT and Olive, safely decided that yesterday's BBQ did not cause any food poisoning. Malay class was good, and after that I headed to central to meet Yvonne and Wendy. After about a half-hour of waiting, I got Perfect Girl Evolution volume 15 from Yvonne. YAY.

I shall be meeting her on Friday at City Harvest's Dance event again, where Bettie will be performing. YAY BETS.

I received one review for OrangeBlack. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3140924/1/) Not bad for its first day of publication.

I'm in between the latest episode of MiSa, and it's getting sadder. Sounds sadistic but YAY.

MiSa's good point is it's not afraid of dealing with sadness.

Resuming the topic of the day, what shall we have this fine day?

What about evolution?

Ugh. Like, what EVOLUTION? Gr.

Talk about brain drain.

Evolution is gradual change, improvement, development. We can have evolution in the human species, or an invention, or technology.

Then we can have the more narrative evolution from a child to an adult and beyond, which can happen over time or drastically. But since evolution is gradual, it can't be drastic.

A description from dictionary.com says: 'a process of gradual, peaceful, progressive change or development', even though it is meant for social or economic structures, I think this explanation sounds relevant.

So my essay has to be about a gradual development, although not strictly because this is a one-word topic. Like that helps.

Gr.

I'm off to think HARD.

Til next time-

2006-09-05T19:03:00.000+08:00

Well. It's over.

Whew.

So Chelsea arrived, looking highly suspicious of everything. After the three of them changed their clothes, I sent them down to blindfold Chelsea while Vivian and I carried the raw food down.

When we reached the BBQ pit, everyone was so busy about getting the fire lit, they kind of forgot about Chelsea. Who was left blindfolded. -_-

But we removed her blindfold and let her mingle with us while we tried to get the BBQ going. It was only about an hour later when we could eat. Bettie had to leave early, so we ate the birthday cake before the rest of the food. The party was pretty good, but I think it didn't do as well as Chels had hoped. Lol.

Anyway, the party was disrupted by a passing cat, who decided to disturb us to no end. So after we cooked all the food, we gobbled up everything and packed up to go upstairs to my house. We washed up and settled down to watch Agent Cody Banks. After which everybody left.

Sigh. It was a long but satisfying day.

No topic of the day today. My mind's pretty incapable of thought now. Too relieved the party went smoothly.

In between the party, I had some time free so I attempted uploading a new Bleach fanfiction to www.fanfiction.net. I just finished uploading it, but I think fanfiction.net is having heavy traffic now, so it won't be up anytime soon.

I really should get on with my original fictions.

And I still haven't found out the topic for the third essay competition.

Gr.

No photos today!

Til next time~

2006-09-05T12:03:00.000+08:00

OMG.

We're smack in the middle of preparing for Chelsea's birthday party, and I've squeezed in some blog time in between.

Now LYT, Yea Wen and Vivian are downstairs setting up the BBQ. And Bettie, Olive and Wan Zheng are escorting Chelsea here from school.

I hope Chels doesn't see this post before she should.

WHOO.

Til the party's over!

2006-09-04T19:10:00.000+08:00

One minute of silence in respect to Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter), who passed away on the 4th of September, on the Batt Reef, pierced by a stingray barb throught his heart. He was an amazing man, and may his wife and children be comforted in this time of distress.

You never really believe people like him would actually, you know, die. Especially like that, doing what he loves. It didn't have to end like that, but that's the way he chose to live his life, and I admire him for that.

2006-09-04T13:12:00.000+08:00

And after a short day's rest, I'm back again.

My parents returned home last night, lugging clothes and food for us. I'm ecstatic at having them back; now I can sleep in peace. Literally.

Anyway, I just came back from Malay supplementary class. It was fun, in a sense, but because I've been pretty much cut off from the outside world for three days, it was a little shocking. But, I don't think anyone noticed.

I was also loudly discussing Chelsea's birthday party, and I think I might have been a little rude and insensitive, so APOLOGIES!

Yes, so today's topic was actually suggested to be contextual harrassement. Well... I thought hard about it, but decided against it in the end. So today's topic is cliques. I actually had a better topic like, five seconds ago, but I lost the thought.

Gr.

Cliques. I, actually, belong to a clique, surprisingly. In my definition, a clique is a certain circle of friends you are always with, to the extent that they are a part of your identity. Basically, when a part of the clique is together, people will ask where's the rest of your clique, or stuff like that. It provides a sense of belonging, and, if you're lucky, you'll be influenced by your clique positively.

Hm.

The common delusion of cliques is that those in a clique are always mean and selfish and, well, bitchy. Blame Hollywood. But that may be true with some cliques when you feel so secure in your clique that you become too self-assured and confidently be nasty to others because you know there will be people to back you up. And of course, there is also the case of negative influence.

But is it positive or negative influence? Only you can judge.

I like my clique. I can confidently say every one (or most) of the eight of us have changed (for better or worse?) ever since we formed our clique. But then again, it sometimes cuts us off from others, and others from us.

So choose your cliques wisely. Before I go, here's another artistic photograph. (And like all photos on my blog: THESE ARE NOT MINE)

Til next time!

2006-09-02T19:57:00.000+08:00

How desolate.

You would think with more than twelve hours at my disposal, I would be able to be more productive. On the contary, it seems that I have been entirely useless today. My attempt at my homework was a sour failure. I was unable to churn out ANYTHING for my fictions and my English essay. And I thought that writers could only write over a long period of time.

Sigh. I'm so lost without my parents. They're coming home tomorrow. I have to go to church by myself, dragging my brother along, in the process missing out on devotion with the youth.

Sigh...

On Tuesday we'll be celebrating Chelsea's birthday! We only managed to finalise details today. I don't think it'll be anything as fantastic as Yea Wen's birthday party, but it's the people that count.

Today passed pretty fast, though. It's like a minute ago I was waking up, and now it's night and I'm blogging.

MiSa is ending~ I'm so sad. But Yanting is helping me to download the last two episodes. YAY!

Shall I continue with the 'A Topic A Day' routine? I think I shall.

And we have success today. Once again, everything is in perspective. So let's look in a pessimist's point of view. Success is short-term. Every success story will end eventually. Success comes and goes. It is a part of life. Like your fifteen seconds of fame or something.

But does success neccessarily mean fame? I think to most of the population, fame means a lot. It means recongnition for your efforts. And everybody likes to be recognised for their trouble. That's why everybody wants to be famous.

But to a rare few, success is in personal happiness. And their happiness is derived from the happiness of others. But these people are few and in between.

You've got to have a clear goal then. When you have a goal, you know where you're heading and you know when you've reached the top.

Perfection is a common goal. I would know. -_-

It's something unreachable. So does that mean I will never be successful?

It's a good thing I have other goals then.

Oh well. That's all for today. Go check out Yanting's and Kheng Leng's first attempts at blogging (links at my other blog). I daresay they're doing better than I did.

Til next time!

2006-09-01T20:45:00.000+08:00

Hm. I suppose horoscopes are a kind of religion as well. A belief, something you put your faith in. But I would suppose religions are more than superstitions. Sigh. You got me there. It's all up to perspective. But horoscopes still baffle me.

And today an old classmate called me! We haven't met in two entire years and I just got off the phone from a half-hour chat. She's the brilliant swimmer, Ting Wen. ;)

My parents went out of town so I have complete control of the house. Mwahaha...

Yet even when I'm given total freedom, it feels like something's missing. Like, I don't need to be free or without guidance to be happy. And I don't actually mind myself being like that. You would think feeling like that would make me ashamed that I'm not independent but... Oh well. Maybe I just dislike making decisions.

The new Korean drama, MiSa, is so extremely sad. He DIES. How tragic. But so stereotypely moving.

Anyway, let's think about today's topic. What about imagination?

Hm.

An unlimited area of creation and dreaming. Of hopes and fantasies. Too little makes one boring and pessimistic. But too much cuts a person from reality and life. So how much is enough?

And is there a right or wrong imagination? How do you know when you've gone too far in your own imagination? When you bring in other innocent people into your imagination? But it doesn't affect them in real life, so is it an offense? Yet there is a claim that what you think would eventually affect your actions, and I am quite inclined to believe that.

Sigh. So many questions. Where are my answers?

Til next time.

2006-08-31T14:55:00.000+08:00

Lol, Jeremiah. I think only one entry was chosen from each level to send in, and yours was chosen. It was really a good essay.

Anyway, I got over it. I suppose better things will come, and I submitted a new essay and poem for another competition today. The dateline is tomorrow, so I hope it gets entered on time. There's another essay competition being held in school, 'Memories of Nan Hua Days'. -_- Guess what I'm going to write about? Our wonderful, marvellous toliets.

By the way, Happy Teachers' Day! My class had a class party with food and stuff, and we invited our teachers. It was fun! Then I had to go sit in the hall for a long time, to wait to rehearse my chairman speech, which I never got to rehearse in the end. I think my words were not very clear, and it was too mechanical, but practice makes perfect.

After everything, I paid a short visit to my primary school, and met Mdm Wong briefly. I saw at least half of my old primary six class, including Yvonne. But I left early, and came home.

So today's topic is fortune. Basically I mean the telling of fortunes, like horoscopes and such. For one, how can a gigantic bunch of people have the same things happen to them in a day just because they were born in a particular period of time? And how can they all have similar personalities? Not to say anything, but how do you trust that?

No offense Yvonne! Just that that piece of document you gave me set me thinking. The description fit you slightly, but not me. Why do people believe illogical things? It doesn't make sense, it doesn't fit logic, so why does one believe or hope? Human nature? Or an escape route out of reality? I really don't know. And maybe I don't want to know.

The Lake House proves to be a bore. Sorry, it doesn't work for me.

I'm in a bad mood, aren't I?

I shall go indulge in Korean dramas.

Til next time!

2006-08-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

I was just on the Commonwealth Essay Competition website and I saw the results' list. Congratulations Jeremiah! Your essay received a 'Highly Commended', so even though you didn't win, that's really good already. ;)

Compared to my essay. Which didn't even get out of the school. It wasn't even entered.

The kind of feeling when your stomach drops to your knees? Yeah, I understand.

I can't even cry. I don't even have the heart to tell anyone. It's just a whole load of: I wish I didn't get my hopes so high so I wouldn't fall so far.

I worked hard on the essay. I thought it was good. It made Vivian sad. I thought I had a chance.

Oh well. It's not like I've never been wrong before. But I guessed I should have been prepared.

I just need time to get over it and pick myself up again. I'm not a bad writer. I just need to improve a lot. I'm not competing against my friends, so their opinions will vary. I need to receive criticism.

I just hope this latest essay would get out of the school in time to at least enter.

I'm tired.

Next time.

2006-08-30T14:58:00.000+08:00

You're absolutely right, Jeremiah. I'm very extremely uncomfortable with the opposite sex. It's my nature, unfortunately. Sigh.

By the way, thanks for you guys who tagged! ;)

Anyway, today was uneventful. Nothing interesting happened, except that I'm feeling drained all the time. But we had a blast in Geography class. My sides were close to bursting with all that laughing.

So today's topic is weakness. This word is not very specific. How do you define a person's weakness? How do you define a weakness? If what makes you weak helps you become strong, is it still a weakness? Is it a love for something, so that you can't help but submit to it?

As humans, we have weaknesses. Be it a food, or group of people, or individual or area you're not good at, it's all a weakness. But whether it makes or breaks you is all up to you.

I read somewhere: You know everybody will leave you in the end, so why bother? Or something to that extent. Basically I think it means in the end you will be left with no one. Your friends will come and go, even your family will vanish from the face of the Earth one day. The question is, if that's the case, then why make friends? Why love and invest in your family when you're the one losing out in the end? In a real relationship, there must be giving and taking, but if you know the person would leave you in the end, why give?

I've been thinking about that a long, long time. I still am. Humans are humans after all. We're naturally selfish. So why do we indulge in human comfort when it doesn't last?

I shall keep on thinking until I get a satisfying answer.

Til next time.