the news
Thursday, August 31, 2006
-2:55 PM
Lol, Jeremiah. I think only one entry was chosen from each level to send in, and yours was chosen. It was really a good essay.
Anyway, I got over it. I suppose better things will come, and I submitted a new essay and poem for another competition today. The dateline is tomorrow, so I hope it gets entered on time. There's another essay competition being held in school, 'Memories of Nan Hua Days'. -_- Guess what I'm going to write about? Our wonderful, marvellous toliets.
By the way, Happy Teachers' Day! My class had a class party with food and stuff, and we invited our teachers. It was fun! Then I had to go sit in the hall for a long time, to wait to rehearse my chairman speech, which I never got to rehearse in the end. I think my words were not very clear, and it was too mechanical, but practice makes perfect.
After everything, I paid a short visit to my primary school, and met Mdm Wong briefly. I saw at least half of my old primary six class, including Yvonne. But I left early, and came home.
So today's topic is
fortune. Basically I mean the telling of fortunes, like horoscopes and such. For one, how can a gigantic bunch of people have the same things happen to them in a day just because they were born in a particular period of time? And how can they all have similar personalities? Not to say anything, but how do you trust that?
No offense Yvonne! Just that that piece of document you gave me set me thinking. The description fit you slightly, but not me. Why do people believe illogical things? It doesn't make sense, it doesn't fit logic, so why does one believe or hope? Human nature? Or an escape route out of reality? I really don't know. And maybe I don't want to know.
The Lake House proves to be a bore. Sorry, it doesn't work for me.
I'm in a bad mood, aren't I?
I shall go indulge in Korean dramas.
Til next time!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
-8:42 PM
I was just on the Commonwealth Essay Competition website and I saw the results' list. Congratulations Jeremiah! Your essay received a 'Highly Commended', so even though you didn't win, that's really good already. ;)
Compared to my essay. Which didn't even get out of the school. It wasn't even entered.
The kind of feeling when your stomach drops to your knees? Yeah, I understand.
I can't even cry. I don't even have the heart to tell anyone. It's just a whole load of:
I wish I didn't get my hopes so high so I wouldn't fall so far.I worked hard on the essay. I thought it was good. It made Vivian sad. I thought I had a chance.
Oh well. It's not like I've never been wrong before. But I guessed I should have been prepared.
I just need time to get over it and pick myself up again. I'm not a bad writer. I just need to improve a lot. I'm not competing against my friends, so their opinions will vary. I need to receive criticism.
I just hope this latest essay would get out of the school in time to at least enter.
I'm tired.
Next time.
-2:58 PM
You're absolutely right, Jeremiah. I'm very extremely uncomfortable with the opposite sex. It's my nature, unfortunately. Sigh.
By the way, thanks for you guys who tagged! ;)
Anyway, today was uneventful. Nothing interesting happened, except that I'm feeling drained all the time. But we had a blast in Geography class. My sides were close to bursting with all that laughing.
So today's topic is
weakness. This word is not very specific. How do you define a person's weakness? How do you define a weakness? If what makes you weak helps you become strong, is it still a weakness? Is it a love for something, so that you can't help but submit to it?
As humans, we have weaknesses. Be it a food, or group of people, or individual or area you're not good at, it's all a weakness. But whether it makes or breaks you is all up to you.
I read somewhere:
You know everybody will leave you in the end, so why bother? Or something to that extent. Basically I think it means in the end you will be left with no one. Your friends will come and go, even your family will vanish from the face of the Earth one day. The question is, if that's the case, then why make friends? Why love and invest in your family when you're the one losing out in the end? In a real relationship, there must be giving and taking, but if you know the person would leave you in the end, why give?
I've been thinking about that a long, long time. I still am. Humans are humans after all. We're naturally selfish. So why do we indulge in human comfort when it doesn't last?
I shall keep on thinking until I get a satisfying answer.
Til next time.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
-6:19 PM
I was examining my previous post and realised it is redundant. A complete waste of scrolling energy and text space. Therefore from now on I shall make every post meaningful by fixing a topic. Today, I have a topic and lots to write.
For one, I had MAJOR mood swings today. I was probably also feeling stressed about the essay competition and the class not listening to me, so I broke down. Like, cried. And the worst thing was I thought nobody cared. That is
the worst of the worst, you understand. But fortunately, I was wrong. Bettie was a wonderful comfort, and I know Vivian, Wan Zheng and Chelsea tried. With the others, you don't need words.
I was supposed to rehearse the class chairman's speech today, but the school student commitee wasted so much time I left to spend my time singing in an air-conditioned room. Why isn't there any ORGANISATION?
So, today I have two topics actually. The first is
sleeping. I always wonder why people like to stay up so late? Why stay in this reality longer than you have to, when you could be spending it in a world you would always wake up from? Maybe I'm more pathetic than I thought.
Another thought is
laughter. Actually, I'm referring to a few incidents I noticed. When one (usually popular) person laughed at something, no matter how unfunny, the person (usually his/her 'friend') would laugh too. As in, two seconds after the first person laughed. So I'm wondering, is it that the second person is slow? Or that he/she just laughs because his/her friend laughed? The latter statement makes me wonder, is the world then decided by the reigning figures?
Not very meaningful, today's thoughts. But I have to go eat my Japanese curry now. :)
Til next time!
Monday, August 28, 2006
-8:11 PM
Watching The Lake House while waiting for the latest episode of Silence to load. My brother's in trouble again. Sigh. I'm tired.
Today was long. I trudged through English, Maths, Literature and Art. Gah. And I need to write an essay for a competition before Friday. That's three days. I
want to write but there's
not enough time. Gah.
I didn't have the time or energy to think much today. I wasn't myself, having various mood swings. And I can't be bothered to type anymore. Gah.
Off to scrawl out an essay amidst the noise.
My apologies.
Til next time.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
-3:24 PM
Yesterday at Edge Pastor Jeremy spoke, and it was awesome. The service hall was only half-full, and he preached on the importance of carrying out our jobs at the opportunity instead of sitting there washing our fishing nets. Which means we must start reaching out NOW instead of waiting until we're perfect because it's
not going to happen.
And then I finally realised perfection is not important. Because it is something you can never reach, but only get nearer to. And now I know I have to start telling all the people I know about God and do everything I can to help them receive Jesus because this is what I believe is best for them and they are the most important to me.
JIA YOU!
Oh yes, BETTIE WON THE LATIN DANCE COMPETITION! Like, FIRST PRIZE. Whoa. Guess it makes up for her common test marks. I am very proud of her. How come all my friends achieve so much? I feel left behind.
Oh well.
I was having moods just now, with my period starting and all. I got fed up at my brother for wanting a comic book when he doesn't deserve it. I was fuming at the unfairness of it all. Why would my mother want to reward the person who was always causing her so much pain? Then I thought about it all the way home, even to the extent despairing so much that my tears welled up. But then I thought, maybe it's because she wants to make up for all the pain they give each other. My brother has it hard, too.
Don't lose hope, yeah?
Til next time.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
-11:08 AM
I'm beginning to think Yanting really is blind. Or maybe we got the wrong locker. But I do know that I just blew the entire surprise. YANTING. STOP READING. NOW.
Hm.
Anyway, I got MSN Live Messenger or whatever, and it's so extremely complicated. I have to go through various windows just to change my
font. And it's full of meaningless things for bored people. But I don't really care. I just hope my computer doesn't blank out like the last time I downloaded MSN. If I stop blogging you will all know it's MSN's fault. (No offense, Bill Gates)
Yesterday at net group, we had divisional net rally, which basically means we had to join the adults. It was fun, there was food, and music, and what I call real warmth. A chatter of voices, sharing of food, mutual discussion. I had to leave early, but I liked the atmosphere a whole lot.
And today is CHARMY's birthday. Charmaine is officially my sixteen-year-old cousin, daughter of my mother's elder sister, and oldest cousin on my mother's side. She is a sensitive caring sister and cousin, wacky and efficient. And very clever. Happy sweet sixteen Char!
In a few hours I'll be heading to Vivian's to finish a Character Development(C.D.) project with Wan Zheng and Chelsea. Then I'm off to the Edge to meet Charmaine and then we'll go off to swim with her sister and my cousin Cheryl and my brother Joseph. Yay.
I didn't have a lot to think about between yesterday and today. But here's a Bible verse:
'The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.'
It's from Psalms. And it's true. I finished reading The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe this morning, and it is very good. The plot is simple and the language is candid, but I enjoyed its feel. I want to read the rest!
I keep saying I want to continue that chapter of Goosechase, but the muse just doesn't come. That's why being an author is a full-time job. You have to sit at the computer ALL DAY waiting for the muse to come. But of course, there are a few gifted writers who can churn out a chapter per day as can be seen on www.fictionpress.com
Oh well. I'm off.
Til next time.
Friday, August 25, 2006
-4:10 PM
I was living and breathing sometime around yesterday, minding my own business, when I was enlightened by a
startling revelation.
Blogs are
online diaries. As in,
diaries. Which means I'm supposed to be listing down events of each day instead of ranting about what I
think.
I knew there was something important I had to do on this thing.
So then, if it interests you, I invite you to read about my day:
I woke up and proceeded to prepare for school. After which I went to school, met my neighbour at the lift lobby and rode my mom's car to school together with my brother. First period was Chinese, in which we did nothing meaningful. Then we went to P.E., where the fun starts.
A sec 3 senior represented her class' girls to challenge our class' girls to Captain's Ball. After a bit of a hoo-ha, we gathered 13 girls of our class to participate. I opted to cheer at the sidelines. And believe me, I
really cheered. I was absolutely hyper, screaming my lungs out and clapping my hands and dancing. I feel slightly embarrassed when I think about it now, but it was worth every second. I reason that I felt out of place if I wasn't sweating it out like the rest of my friends so I channelled my energy to jumping and yelling. Afterwards I joined them and played Captain, catching two balls! WHOO.
So in a way, going crazy and supporting for my friends is like a mode for me. For when I don't mind if everyone thinks I'm making a fool of myself because at that time, I really couldn't care less.
And anyway, we won. HA.
Received the rest of my common test results today. I didn't fail anything, but I certainly could have done better. I suppose the recent NDP affected me a little, but oh well. But dear Yea Wen still got FULL MARKS in her maths paper. Whoa and Gr.
Then something BIG happened today. A wonderful close friend of mine accidentally did something wrong. I didn't think it was a big deal, but apparently my standards of 'wrong' has stretched with the world. Sigh. Anyway, this sweet pal of mine took the blame and went to confess. I'm really, really proud of her. It sounds weird, but it's adorable that she firmly faced up to her mistake. She was reprimanded and I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to stand right by her. I hope I don't do anything stupid, though.
This incident reminded me that people are still people. And it's the hard times that break us and show us how much we are really human. Really, it is really, really, really beautiful.
Actually, I have this kind of group, of seven friends, and we call our group (corny, but cute) Clique 8. We hang out together and spend most of our sec 2 life together, so we're pretty close. We always celebrate each other's birthday with little surprises. Last time, we celebrated Yea Wen's birthday by blindfolding her in the lift and leading her to K-box. Ha.
But because we formed our 'clique' around February 2006, we missed out Lim Yanting's birthday. So on Wednesday, while buying art materials, Yanting commented she would like a black book, with black pages and all, and we bought one behind her back, complete with a white pen. We hid it in her locker today, and she didn't say a word! YANTING! ARE YOU BLIND?!
But we still love her. So it doesn't matter. ;)
Talking about art, we FINALLY finished our lantern today. It looks weird and naked, but better than the old one. Much better.
I seriously need a new blogskin. I need more text space! Or I have to keep scrolling down. Gr. But I realise this black and white theme is quite popular. Oh well. I still like it. Waiting in anticipation for Yvonne's creation!
Did you live for others today? And served them for their happiness and not your own because you want to be like them?
I don't know if I did. Maybe one day I will.
Thinking is good. Thinking rocks.
I shall go force out the rest of Goosechase now.
Til my next day.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
-6:19 PM
There was a talk this afternoon, about self-awareness. It was effective, that is, if you were listening. The speaker lacked the charisma to hold the students' attention, and the talk was a failure. But it gave me a lot of time to, as usual, think. And I was watching the guy try so hard to get everyone's attention, yet no one listened. I kind of understand the kind of hopelessness he was going through, and I admired the way he just continued his talk to the end. But in the end, it just makes you feel that it was a pity.
He touched on blogging, that there were values and stuff online that people take too seriously and actually believe what famous bloggers encourage. Then I wondered, if I knew a million people or so were going to read my blog, would I write the same way as when I started out to write for myself and not others? I probably would be very torn between writing what I wanted to and what readers wanted to hear. Which shows I don't have a very strong character. Oh well...
I was fasting today, so I had a lot of time to, of course, think. I was pondering about the different personalities in my class, and how you never know what they will do next. It's like we all have various 'modes', and whenever we feel like it, we switch from mode to mode. Maybe it's puberty, that we are still trying to figure out who we are, so we just try out our modes in different situations.
My lovely good friend told me today that I was getting prettier. ;) Sometimes, little comments like that, though not particularly important to the speaker, mean a lot to the receiver. Let's all flatter the people around us from now on!
I realise that I had underestimated the power of the internet. Apparently, quite a few people know about my blog. And read it. Very closely. Hm.
On the brighter side of reality, I scored 24/30 for my English composition! YAY.
On the darker side, I failed my Chinese paper.
But I passed my Chemistry! I got 12.5/25! God is AMAZING. What made it better was that my Chem teacher was being so
nice. Hm.
I am really blessed. The world is a good place. Maybe when I'm depressed I'll think otherwise.
But that's secondary. I should go work on my non-existant chapter of Goosechase.
Til next time!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
-5:33 PM
I was coming home by the bus just now, and while waiting I overheard a couple of girls talking. By their conversation I deduced that they were heading to a supermarket near my house, and they were asking directions through the phone. I was perfectly clear where they should get off the bus, but I, like every other common person, kept my mouth shut. When I alighted from the bus, I was appalled by my behavior. What did I have to lose by helping them? Then again, it was probably because there was nothing to
gain that I did not help them.
Here I go again. Thinking too much.
But thinking a lot does NOT mean I'm depressed. Really. Really, Yvonne, I'm very happy! Most of the time, anyway. You can't expect me to be escatic all the time. But I am very happy that I have a friend who is concerned that I might be unhappy. ;)
So am I the only person who thinks so much about random things? I think not! I
can't possibly be the only person alive to think like this. I am certain everyone thinks in the same text format as I do. Definitely.
Now I'm becoming paranoid. Poo.
Read Sharon Creech. You can
feel her words. She is my writing aspiration.
Chicken curry tonight. Ha.
And did I mention I finished the last of my common tests today? Ha. Ha.
Oh, and darling Yvonne is making a black-and-white blogskin for me! Ha. Ha. HA!
I have to write a full-length proposal today, though. And I have an art project with my friends to complete, and we trashed it two days ago because it was falling apart, and it's due on Friday. aH.
Oh poo. I shall now go slave away on a proposal that might not even be accepted.
Til the next time I ta~
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
-6:01 PM
Sometimes, when you're drowning in the world, you tend to forget that people are still... People.
Little things you say or do affect other people a lot. Nobody, in the end, is insensitive. Humans are like that, maybe.
I should have known. Negligence on my part, that I believed, for a moment, that what I did or said as one unnoticed person would not make a difference. But everyone does make a difference, some way or another, indirectly or directly, and I think more than half the world don't realise that. If they did, would they change for the better?
Hm.
Anyway, I am filled with dread for my Science paper. GAH. I took it today, and it's a definite FAILURE. FAILURE>)*!~@:"
Last paper tomorrow, Maths. I always think I've done all I can on the subject, but it's never true. I could have, but I didn't! AND IT FREAKS ME OUT.
Yeah, exams make me nuts.
I should probably get on with my fictions. Some time.
Soon.
I was thinking about myself. Again.
I'm a narcissist, aren't I?
And I found out that I think about myself so much, I actually affect my own actions. That what I would have done, I did feeling proud of myself for doing it because I
knew I was doing it for someone, and that makes me feel like a hypocrite.
Make sense?
Never mind. I would probably get my point when I read this years later.
Til next time I think too much.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
-3:44 PM
Drowning in Chinese and Science. AHHH.
Gah.
Anyway, yesterday at net group my net leader said something that made me think. She was telling us that she had been told of her colleague's retrenchment, and it was scary to know what a person'a fate was, but can't do anything. It makes me wonder, how many things happen behind your back? People talk all the time about others, and it can never be all good. There are bound to be faults in a person, and people will talk. Not only that, people plot too. Ignorance won't always be bliss.
"What do people think about me?"
Can you say you've never thought about it? Every move we make is marked by whether others will criticise or approve. Only until you start to live for God do we manage to break free from this way of thinking.
And in the end it's up to you.
Whoo. Deep.
That's it for today. Off to submerge in the books again.
Til the next tata~
Friday, August 18, 2006
-6:31 PM
And I changed my blogskin. The lovely one made by dear Yvonne is lovingly hidden away at www.clueless-confused.blogspot.com, my old blog, when I was clearly clueless and confused. I just felt this blogskin was perfect for this stage of life.
I think I'm going through something major now. Call it a teenage stage, I think it's
the metamorphosis of my mind at last. About time, too. I've reached a time where I get depressed by tests and homework and inspiration blocks, and I've discovered all I truly have.
Which is like, A WHOLE LOT.
It's all in the mind, I suppose. If you think you're happy and blessed, others will think so too. Hm. Let us all decide to feel good about ourselves right this moment.
Anyway, I was an ugly display of pettiness and bluntness today. I made remarks I could have avoided, and when someone commented that my art project looked like an
altar, I did what they expected me to do.
Glare at them and act angry.
Which I regret now, even though I dislike their choice of words. And it does NOT look like an altar. AT ALL.
I could have been kinder with my words, and not more or less
order someone's mother to buy a book. Argh. Or make unkind jabs at a friend.
But on to happier events. There was a ridiculously priced bookfair today, and I was very disappointed at the unaffordable costs(for me, that is). But my darling friends unselfishly offered to pool money to but me whatever I wanted. I was,
am, most touched. Friends like them are "few and in between".
YAY.
I think my actions were most undignified today. I screamed for the GIRLS TEAM at P.E. today, and made a fuss about the bookfair. Argh. No CONTROL.
Must work constantly at my self-control.
Oh, and I hope to take part in a little Literature skit. YAY acting!
Just realised I am blogging two days in a row.
GASP.
Maybe tomorrow? But it's Saturday, so i doubt it.
Til next time then!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
-6:35 PM
I was feeling depressed today. My chemistry is a disaster, and I feel constricted around my Chem teacher. Nothing against her, but she's a kinda drill sergeant, literally. I watch her and think about how she feels about herself, and I wonder how much I really know about myself. And I find that I am actually... A perfectionist. Or a wannabe perfectionist.
Oh dear. Quite worrying, isn't it?
Oh well. I try so hard sometimes, but it just falls apart. And I work so hard with my class, I desperately am trying to address them as I would like to address myself but... I find myself talking to a wall. A few listen, and I am eternally grateful, but the few don't make up the entire class. I don't know what I'd do without God. I'd probably cry everyday.
But I have a comforting mother and great friends. They don't have a clue(
nobody reads my blog anyway, not that I'm complaining) but they really help me a lot. When I sink down into that black and white world, they actually notice and try to pull me up. It is entirely my own fault they hardly succeed. However today, as I said earlier, I was feeling slightly depressed, but it was quite subtle, so only someone
obsessed with me would notice; after school and Chem supplementary, I stayed back with two of my very good friends. To their credit, they laughed at my unfunny jokes, and that's really something. They have no idea how much they perked me up. And me being the anti-guy-social person, actually, with them, conversed with two males!
Amazing.
And apparently one of them enjoys Shakespeare. I am unduly impressed.
It's a good life. I'm really, extremely, outrageously blessed, and I hardly deserve it, I'm afraid. But I will pay my dues. Planning on starting guitar classes again, and this time I will last to the end, and praise God with music. HA.
Have much more personal stuff to say, but this, although sadly unvisited, is still a blog after all. And so, I take my leave.
Til next we meet.
Friday, August 11, 2006
-6:33 PM
hohoho... Happy National Day, Singapore.
And I love Singapore because I'm here, and my heart is here and there's no where else where slanging isn't cool. Does that make sense?
Anyway, NDP was A BLAST, although it was rather an anti-climax. I had a great experience, and I'm going to treasure 2/01 the best I can. I know that I'll adapt to whatever comes my way, but right now, right here I have somewhere I belong and I like it that way. Sigh...
In other news, I was on television for approximately five seconds, according to my cousins. Ha. That's certainly better than I had expected.
I updated Goosechase, by the way. Hohoho...
Common tests starting next week -_-"
Oh well. I'm actually the most anxious about English, we're doing compositions, and I know I can score there, so if I don't score, I know there's something wrong with me. YOU HEAR ME CHARIS? YOU BETTER DO WELL FOR ENGLISH!
Because nobody reads my blog, it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes. Or a flat screen computer.
Talking about compositions, it's like I hit a solid barrier in my writing. Like I'm constantly stuck at one point and I can't move further. Ouch.
Maybe I'm searching for my style, so that I can expand further. But while my motto in writing is to "feel", I don't seem to be taking in any more words. ARGH.
And my Chinese is... improving. In a sense.
Watch Barney. And Magic School Bus.
Til Next time.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
-7:26 PM
NDP is crazy... I think i'll cry on national day.
Anyway, Thursday REUNION! Huang lao shi invite 6D go out, feel so blessed to have a teacher like her. can't wait to meet Yvonne and the others again. yayayayayayayay~
I've been having weird moods lately. I guess im more aware about spiritual stuff now, and it's not very comforting. But I shall STAND STRONG in the NAME OF THE LORD!
Amen and Amen.
So we're all having our own personal problems. Apparently, according to an article in The Sunday Times, blogging is an act of self-love. Hm. I must love myself a lot, but not that much.
There's a new show, Silence. Looks good, starring Da Chang Jin actress and ZaiZai. It's probably going to be my next obsession.
Well, nothing much else except that I'm helping with make-up for the church's dramas from now on. Why aren't I ACTING? :(
I want to know to.
Oh well. Must JIA YOU!
Til next time!