Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am Yours
the writer
CHARIS
a CHRISTIAN girl aspiring WRITER GROWING up fan of SHARONCREECH DRAMA fanatic GUITARist
the news
Friday, September 29, 2006
-2:01 PM
What am I doing online for 3 hours when I should be doing Chinese assessments and drawing my Art?!
I wonder. Maybe it's because I'm cramping like crazy and I vomitted up the once-delicious meefen I had for brunch. Oh well. At least I'm not belching onto the computer.
But really, after vomitting I feel excellent(as excellent as one could possibly be at a period like this), like I've just passed a test.
It's not true, I have five exams left. This reminds me to say that my woman's intuition has never actually activated before, and I, as a true-blood female, have no sixth sense whatsoever. Gr.
The reason why I'm writing so extremely candidly today is because I'm quite sure no one else goes online during this time, if so just to browse powerpoint slides of great importance. After all, no one has tagged me these past few days. Not that I'm complaining or anything.
Ouran 26 rocks, by the way. And I've discovered a Spiral Ayumu/Hiyono shrine, which is truly fantastic. And here's a very nice music video of Ouran:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EawimqAHqWc
Tsk. I really should discipline myself. My mother is quite amazed at my ability to be so relaxed during the exams. I wonder at myself too.
I realise my poem yesterday was not very well done. Don't worry, I'm not going to remake it.
Instead, I'm going to write ANOTHER one. And it has nothing to do with the exams! It's called read, by the way.
Here we go again Running in circles like no one cares
Spinning words out of the air doesn't matter if he's not there
Facades are such a bother Open your eyes come to realise
Words are nothing what is said is hardly ever true
Anyway
What comes louder than words Actions have no say in tears
Sometimes it's there between the l i n e s
Make an effort right in front of you No need to stumble in turns of U
Once and awhile behind the veils squint a little past the coldness
Reads the human.
Well. It's not excellent either. But at least I tried. Off to attempt to study!
Til next time!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
-7:10 PM
HOHO. I'M DOWNLOADING OURAN SUBBED 26 NOW. HA! I bet Yanting doesn't even know it exists because Lunar hasn't finished subbing, and I'm downloading a private fan sub. The quality might be lousy, but the spoilers(I have got to get over them) look AWESOME.
Ahem. Anyway, I had the first of my EOY today. Three at one go: English, History and Malay. -_-" And the cause of my PMS arrived at the end of my Malay exam. Gr. But it's not very serious, not like last time, with the vomit and everything.
Being female is hard work.
Here's my contribution for the day:
Plunged into the dread of pens scratching in the deathly silence
Fans whispering loudly drowning out thoughts Falling out of time running over and again
Again stuck at the edge but not quite there fear limps fingers
Shredded wood flipping teasing anxious
No way out "Pens down" is said Bitten by lips
Give and take Shoulders slump Still not over there's more yet
More reading intaking exhaling tensing
One last lap Make it worth the whole year when the time comes
What is due will be paid and what is yours you will take
Exams are no fun but they'll end Make no mistake Just do what you should.
:) Just felt like slacking off and doing poetry for once. This being said, I should be studying Geography powerpoint slides now.
English, History and Malay tomorrow. Ah, the sweet scent of torture.
Anyway. My computer is running at a snail's pace and my MSN converations are hanging. Gr. I finished revising my History, and will probably do an English comprehension later.
Ouran 26 RAW is out. AHHHHHHHHHH.
And my desperate mission for Ouran Subbed begins once again. Spiral, on the other hand, rocks more and more with every spoiler. NO MORE SPOILERS.
Exam period is not a good time for mood swings.
I am going to be tragically forsaken in the holidays. Bettie is off to India and Vivian, Chelsea and Yanting are heading for China. I have thus decided to write a book of short stories during my holidays on this. Well, not entirely about being deserted, of course. That's secondary. I shall pen down an entire LEGEND.
Well. Big dreams are always a good start.
So today I basically didn't do anything any more important than washing my hair. Oh, and I read an article of a drunk boy who climbed some telephone pole and almost fell off, but luckily did not. Then a drunk man shot him, and he very unluckily died.
Now that is ironic.
Irony is not very big in my life. Unless of course, you count the times when I think I'm going to fail an exam but I get highest, or when I think I'm going to ace an exam but I fail it. But irony is happening all the time. In fact, lots of things happen all the time, at the same time.
Light rays are reflected, sound waves are vibrating, chemicals are bonding, magma is boiling, the ozone layer is dissolving, desertification is occurring, the internet is running, the stars are twinkling, the countries are at war, babies are being kidnapped, music is playing, time is slipping away, people are living, souls are involved in their lives.
Exams do strange things to me. And if you read that entire paragraph, your patience is very much commendable. If you understood it, you have potential there. Tag me.
By the way, I found the Joi Chua song I was looking for. It was under another person's name, the pianist who played the song. -_-"
Til next time!
-5:39 PM
English, History and Malay tomorrow. Ah, the sweet scent of torture.
Anyway. My computer is running at a snail's pace and my MSN converations are hanging. Gr. I finished revising my History, and will probably do an English comprehension later.
Ouran 26 RAW is out. AHHHHHHHHHH.
And my desperate mission for Ouran Subbed begins once again. Spiral, on the other hand, rocks more and more with every spoiler. NO MORE SPOILERS.
Exam period is not a good time for mood swings.
I am going to be tragically forsaken in the holidays. Bettie is off to India and Vivian, Chelsea and Yanting are heading for China. I have thus decided to write a book of short stories during my holidays on this. Well, not entirely about being deserted, of course. That's secondary. I shall pen down an entire LEGEND.
Well. Big dreams are always a good start.
So today I basically didn't do anything any more important than washing my hair. Oh, and I read an article of a drunk boy who climbed some telephone pole and almost fell off, but luckily did not. Then a drunk man shot him, and he very unluckily died.
Now that is ironic.
Irony is not very big in my life. Unless of course, you count the times when I think I'm going to fail an exam but I get highest, or when I think I'm going to ace an exam but I fail it. But irony is happening all the time. In fact, lots of things happen all the time, at the same time.
Light rays are reflected, sound waves are vibrating, chemicals are bonding, magma is boiling, the ozone layer is dissolving, desertification is occurring, the internet is running, the stars are twinkling, the countries are at war, babies are being kidnapped, music is playing, time is slipping away, people are living, souls are involved in their lives.
Exams do strange things to me. And if you read that entire paragraph, your patience is very much commendable. If you understood it, you have potential there. Tag me.
By the way, I found the Joi Chua song I was looking for. It was under another person's name, the pianist who played the song. -_-"
Til next time!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
-4:19 PM
I didn't blog yesterday because I came home at dinner time with TONS of homework. So today I actually feel like I have lots to say and I have to spill it all out without forgetting anything because my brother is bugging me to get off the computer.
Yesterday, my class was lectured by a teacher for 45 minutes, standing, about what kind of cultured students we should be. I'm not saying I completely disagree with her, but there were some parts of her speech I feel rather strongly about. First of all, she should not have compared us with other students. We can be cultured and polite, it's just that we aren't. It's a choice: Do you want to pick up that trash or not? It's a mark of selfishness or selflessness. And to be selfish or selfless is very much personal. We can try to infuse values, but in the end the students are the one making the choices.
And what influences their choices? Their characters. And what influences character? The environment. And we can't choose our environment, can we? So we round back to choices.
Ouran 25 was okay. I'm not exactly addicted to it. Not to my recent crazed extent. I managed to find the last chapter of Spiral, and I totally spoiled myself. Spoiled, as in spoiled the ending.
I can't resist spoilers. For anything; movies, anime, manga, I just can't. And then I regret it and start moaning and groaning but I already know the ending and I can't erase it. But I love spoilers. I can't stand it! Gr.
Spiral rocks anyway.
Today was pretty normal, we were writing testimonials for each other during Character Development, and it was quite mad. I was writing, writing, writing so much I could only squeeze in one line for my own testimonial before we had to hand it in. But I am, of course, secretly very pleased.
Writing testimonials makes one think, no matter how hard, of the good points of a person. And then for a moment you remember how blessed you are to know that person and how treasured that person is. :) It just gives me that nauseating tingly feeling.
Now, I admit I am an extremely sensitive person. So I am very affected by the little things around me. Every action, every uttered word means millions. Maybe that's why I'm rather delusional and moody. Anyway, perhaps that is why I feel especially guilty when I talk badly about other people. Because I know I would be very depressed if people talked badly about me, so I tend to get defensive about talking bad.
Does that make sense?
I feel like eating red bean ice-cream. I don't even like red bean ice-cream.
Til next time!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
-5:48 PM
I KNEW IT.
Ouran 25 DOES NOT WORK.
I'm off to Youtube, which is NOT BIASED LIKE THE REST OF THE INTERNET.
TIL NEXT TIME.
-4:30 PM
So yesterday, I was downloading Ouran 25, and my brother switched the computer off.
GAH.
WHY???!!!
I'm starting to think with so much suspense, the episode won't turn out so well for me, and I'll be dying for the last episode anyway. Now I'm looking for Joi Chua's Chinese version of the theme song for MiSa, 'I'm Sorry I Love You'. And I can't find it. I can find a lot of her songs but I can't find that very one. Gr.
The internet is BIASED against me. BIASED.
I went to church early, and returned home after lunch. I read a bit of Chemistry, looked through my brother's carelessly done English paper(MY brother is so cleverer than that) and went online, conveniently putting my Chemistry aside.
My English teacher called me yesterday. And told me to tell the class to bring the 2005 EOY Comprehension passage(you hear that, 201?). After which I dialled XinYu and she suggested we ask them to choose between printing the school or class logo in the front of our next class tee. So I had a few people calling me at my cousin's birthday party, asking me what on earth they were supposed to pass down. I started the class relay system yesterday afternoon, and still nobody has called me to confirm that everyone has received the message. Oh twoone~
I was looking back at my past posts for my old blog, and I was horrified. I was so very ungrateful! Well, I've learnt my mistake.
I googled my name yesterday, and at the top was my old blog. -_-" Apparently, it was the post where I has declared that I, (my name), had officially failed my first exam. I'm not going to text my name so I won't be found on Google or any other very capable search engine out there.
Ooh, my latest attempt at downloading Ouran has reached 81%! I think I just might be able to watch Ouran 25 today! YAY.
Here's a random screencap from Stacie Orrico's very cute music video for 'Everything'.
Til next time!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
-4:14 PM
ARGH. THE INTERNET IS EVIL.
I finally can download Ouran 25, and the MegaUpload says there are NO SLOTS AVAILABLE, and the SendSpace file keeps stopping halfway. Now it's 3% done, and there's 1 entire hour left. Gr.
I did manage to download Bleach chapter 244, and where is Rukia, may I ask? Why is Ichigo without Rukia, AGAIN?
Hmph.
Anyway, today, I actually was determined to study really really hard. I attempted a Maths paper, but I couldn't do 1/3 of it, which is pretty much a failure. And I read through my Physics notes, but I doubt anything went in. Maybe I should try Chemistry next. But I shudder when I think of the amount I need to remember. Gah.
I have a cousin's party to attend later, so I will be able to see my cousins :) That cheers me, at least. Hillsong's United We Stand CD rocks. And if the Ouran download is unsuccessful again, I can always use Youtube.
So everything's good.
Let me see. I was thinking last night while brushing my teeth. I thought of a topic, but now I can't remember. Gr.
Never mind. I shall leave you with a nice video that makes you wonder what the maker is trying to convey. Very nice effects. I shall provide the URL because my text space is sadly limited.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=PsrcVV7nsb8
Til next time!
Friday, September 22, 2006
-9:40 PM
I'm home after a long, sweaty day.
Thanks for returning the classroom key, Jeremiah. ;)
I had my first papers today, and I think I won't fail, at the least. Anyway, that's the least of my worries. I was having back aches and cramps throughout the day. PMS is not friendly. And I hope it comes soon before the exams start for real.
Gr. Exams. They suck the life out of me. I know I have to study, but that just makes me want to avoid studying more. I have no idea why.
I borrowed something from my friend who had borrowed it from another friend, and I feel very guilty, so I know I probably should not have without the owner's permission even though I'll return it soon.
I have this extremely over-senstitve conscience, but I'm not complaining.
No topic today. Or photograph not taken by me. I shall have to stock up on my photographs not taken by me. I haven't had a lot of stress free time to think lately.
I'm off to desweat myself.
Til next time!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
-5:34 PM
ARGH. I need my Ouran fix! But I can't bear to watch the raw. I shall have to persevere.
Anyway. Today nothing much happened. Vivian and Wan Zheng were talking to my Chemistry teacher, and I cut in. We found out she had scored As for every subject in her 'O' Levels except Chemistry. But she still became a chemist and then she went on to teach. She said if you have a passion, it's okay if you're not good at it.
I don't really believe it, but I buy it. It's a comforting and inspiring thought, because my English Literature is lousy and my English always falters, especially for comprehension. So it's okay if I don't do well, because I have a passion. YAY.
Skipping on to the topic. Today I was thinking about languages. In Singapore, we have two reigning languages, namely English and Chinese. So I was wondering which one was easier(of course English is, to me) but then I realised Chinese with its weird characters with specific ways of pronounciations and English with its past, present, perfect tenses and what not are both intensely difficult. You have to keep reading and reading and reading to get it well-developed.
Languages are very unfun because you can't memorise anything except good phrases like 'fluffy white clouds dotting the sky' or whatever that opening sentence is. Read read and read.
Languages are evil.
But they are how people communicate with what they have: sound. Vocal chords and ear bones and vibrations and sound waves.
Yeah. I'm learning sound in Physics now.
Oh well. I'm off to eat my lovely Korean noodles!
Til next time!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
-6:29 PM
Okay. I've had my dose of vulgarities today, and it's enough to last my entire life. But you can't escape them. Especially on the internet.
Anyway, I AM DYING TO WATCH OURAN 25. OMG. Tamaki gets engaged!!! And he wants to dissolve the host club. GAH. YANTING. I WANT MY OURAN 25.
This is when all my stable-headedness disappears completely. AHHHHH.
In other news, I've tossed the film project aside to make space for the EOY exams. Well, not really, but I'm trying to put it in the back of my mind. It's amazing how many people are willing to take part. Ok, it's minute compared to whatever other camera crews there are out there, but I'm good.
By the way, Kheng Leng, I can't tag you. Or anyone else, for that matter.
Studying is murder.
I shall spare anyone reading and not mention my day, because nothing big happened. I'm waiting for the essay competition to be released, and I keep getting premonitions that their coming out soon, then I have to remind myself I might not win at all. There are, after all, always people better than you.
So I better start on my topic of the day before dinner starts and my dad has to chase me off the computer.
Chance.
Chances, or opportunities. Take them, grab them, don't let go. Sometimes you find it hard to see them, but there are all there.
Whoo. My grandma is complaining of our maid. Well. What to do? Stuff happens. Nothing is ever happily ever after until heaven.
That's all for now.
Til next time.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
-3:51 PM
Uh-oh. There seems to be a scheduled outage for blogspot at 4pm. Can you schedule outages? I better make this fast.
I'm actually supposed to be writing a Malay essay and editing the script and studying Chinese and Geography, but, what do you know. I'm blogging. Oh well.
So anyway, exams coming right up, which is creepy and depressing. But I'll deal with that later. The script is improving, with the aid of so many people I better not name or I'll run out of time. There was a bit of problem with the cast, we haven't found all our actors, but we're getting there. And there was a bit of fuss because SOMEBODY didn't want to act with SOMEBODY. But it's all settled and I'm grateful to both parties who willingly sacrifice their beliefs to act.
Let's skip today's topic and I'll present a lovely photograph(not mine) as a peace offering.Til next time!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
-9:12 AM
I had no time to blog yesterday. It was quite insane.
I reached school at 9.30am to study with Yanting before Maths supplementary. We ended up studying very little and watching Ouran 23, which was lovely because we all know Tamaki and Haruhi must end up together. MUST.
And then we were really hungry, so we dialled Kheng Leng Delivery and had her buy McDonald's for us! So we were eating fries and nuggets right in front of our Maths teacher (who also kindly agreed to act in our film!) and after that I was quite satisfied that I had done something useful that day (which means I did not do any homework after that).
After that I walked home, and two hours later I headed to The Edge. I met Joy, who is wonderful and bought me a Snickers bar, and a Spanish pastor whose name I will not spell in fear of misspelling it and insulting him. His sermon was fantastic, and I truly received God's blessing last night. Awesome.
So now I'm blogging so early because class before service was cancelled last minute and I had nothing to do but wait for my family to wake up so we can go to church and while waiting I might as well do my Chinese powerpoint but halfway through the Chinese software went nuts s now I have to postpone the making of my Chinese powerpoint and meet Yanting online later to make her translate for me.
How distressing.
Oh wait, now it works. Thanks anyway, Yanting.
I hope to get my script done today so I shall start now while I mull over what background to use for the powerpoint.
Decisions, decisions. What shall our topic be today? Decisions.
Making choices can sometimes be a very critical thing. Some people say what ever you do or say plants seeds in other people's hearts. It could be influence, an opinion, idea, or just a judging of your character. Everything you do is a choice. You can choose to rebel, or obey. Listen, or shut your ears. Study, or slack. Which are all very difficult to choose the right thing.
Knowing what is right is one thing. Choosing to do it is another.
Well, I'm off to script.
Til next time!
Friday, September 15, 2006
-7:38 PM
Scripting is insane.
Anyway, we, or maybe just I, had a blast at P.E. today. Boys Vs Girls, and I daresay girls were much better than last time. I sweated a whole lot. It was awesome.
At Art we were dismissed late for lunch, and on the way back to class, Vivian, Yanting, Wan Zheng, Yea Wen, Olive and I encountered our principal talking to Jeremiah and a few of the other guys. Then he rounded on us and introduced this little laptop to us, asking our opinion. The screen is too small, I say. But our prinicipal is a good guy. He's truly Singaporean, but very Nan Hua as well. A father figure for the "Nan Hua big family".
Then after school I sat for English oral. Gr. I was nervous, but I thought I did okay. Swallowed my words a bit, I think but otherwise it was okay.
So... today's topic? Let's talk funny.
Funny has many definitions. Hilarious, and weird. Hilarious as in something which makes you smile or laugh and there is nothing to talk about that. We want to talk about weird as in unusual and not normal.
What makes you think something is funny? If it is not ordinary? If everyone else does not think it's normal? Let's talk people. What makes a person funny, weirdness-wise? If that person is not like others? If that person is not well-liked?
I sit at the edge of the classroom, so sometimes I get left out of conversations. I'm not really the kind of person to initiate conversations, so I wonder if I didn't make friends with the people around me, would I be considered funny? If I didn't make myself accepted, would I be outcast? Then what chooses if we are funny or not? Is it ourselves? Or is it inevitable? Is there a way to make yourself unfunny? Then what defines unfunny?
Is it that we make ourselves to be liked so we won't be called unfunny? How do we do it then? Subconsciousness maybe.
Oh well. I don't have time to think much. I have exams to revise for, scripts to phrase and videos to watch.
By the way, Stacie Orrico was marvelous on Singapore Idol yesterday. I watched the whole Extra and Results Show waiting for her to appear. She didn't disappoint. Lovely.
Oh, while we're on the subject of funny, this is Fun-Nee.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
-5:10 PM
I didn't blog yesterday. I forgot.
Hm. And what does that say about me?
And two weeks to End-of-Year exams. I haven't settled the PIE @ Nan Hua details yet. GAH. MUST. GET. IT. DONE.
Sometime.
How come Yvonne has eighty reviews for , while I only have ten?
Does anyone else see a major gap in reading rates, or is it just me?
And then there's the film. We decided to try filming two, but there's no CONFLICT. GAH. Don't get me wrong though, I love this filming business. It's fantastic. There's just no time to enjoy it.
Darn examinations.
I'm stressing myself out again. But studying is such a chore. When you could be doing so much more, I mean. Like writing scripts. And fictions. Which nobody reviews, may I add.
But getting seated and reading and memorising something you don't like. Ugh. Drilling, I say, DRILLING. I don't know how some people do it.
Anyway, topic. Topic...
Loneliness?
There's a phrase: Alone but not lonely. As Yanting would say: self-entertainment. Well... Even self-entertainment can't keep a person from feeling lonely. You can even be lonely when you're in the middle of a whole crowd of people.
The definition of lonely: "affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome."
Interesting. Then again, that's only one meaning, but that's enough.
A "depressing feeling of being alone". What makes being alone depressing? Human nature? Hopelessness because nobody is there? Insecurity? Boredom?
I think hard.
Perhaps too much talking to yourself makes you depressed. How fun can you be? Loneliness is... subjective, I suppose. I, for one, can talk to myself for hours. There's tons to say, but I'll still feel sad and meaningless.
Love your hair Charis. Really? I was actually thinking of trimming it. Think I should watch a movie with myself? Sure, why not? Let's start a debate about Bleach: Ichigo/Rukia? Duh.
Yeah. I won't be lonely for a very long time.
Til next time!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
-4:26 PM
Nobody reviewed me for the new chapter of Goosechase. Well, that stings.
I discovered a film competition today, and pulled in LYT, Kheng Leng, XinYu, Amanda and lots of other people. But no male actors. It's not likely we can win, but class bonding is cool. Except now we're stuck in the exam period, so we have to rush everything after the exams to make the deadline. Sounds fun!
Competitions are tiring though. It's hard enough getting your entry in, then you stress out about winning. Then after that you fuss about the unfair judging. Oh well.
I don't feel like writing today. So here's a photograph. Once again, not mine.
Monday, September 11, 2006
-7:23 PM
It was the first day of the new term and I disappointed myself. I actually managed to anger a classmate, act in a Literature skit and get stressed over the class again. whoo.
I think there's more than that but anyway.
I shall do better tomorrow. JIA YOU.
I invented a new movie recently. Actually, I'm always making up television series and movies, ever since I was really young(wishful thinking?). Maybe I'll be a scriptwriter before I get married and have three(or four) kids and become a famous writer. That's a pleasant thought :)
Before I get carried away though, I think this movie is fantastic. Ha, I tried narrating it to LYT and Xin Yu at Malay class today, but I think they weren't really interested. I haven't got the middle part settled yet though...
By the way, MSN is not working for me now, so LYT, that's why I'm not online.
So I was pondering on my lack of success today, and I realised I'm not really a success kind of person. As in, I'm not cut out to be the world's definition of success. But of course, we(or more accurately, I) discussed about success before, and we know we all have different standards of success for ourselves.
But there are people cut out for success all around me, and they show it in their artistic talents and amazing exam results. And I've never seen some of this people even pay attention in class before.
Fairness is not a virtue of the world.
My success is to win a Nobel Prize for my writing. WHOA.
I can't believe I just typed that.
Moving on: Today's topic? Hm. What about peace?
My mother just told a story, about this army that was being chased by their enemies, but managed to escape in the end. Why? The captain or whatever person in charge ordered those wounded to take the last of the bombs and hold off the enemies while the rest of the army ran for it. In this decision, the army sacrificed all those wounded to save other lives. It seems EVIL and CRUEL and COLD-BLOODED to me, but from the big view, the in-charge made a choice. He sacrificed those who would have slowed the army down, and escaped with those who were most likely able to fight again.
So, what does this have to do with peace?
Peace requires sacrifices. And if the situation persists, war might be needed to regain peace. Like, causing the storm to bring the calm.
Well. That certainly turned the depression up a notch.
I'm off to hope dearly that my essay was submitted in the essay competition.
Til next time~
Sunday, September 10, 2006
-4:46 PM
Stuff happens.
Oh well. Lazy day, been dragging it out while reading Diana Wynne Jones' Hexwood. There was an Aussie band playing today, and Pastor Jeremy preached. YAY. Awesomely hilarious sermon, as usual.
Now I've finished MiSa, I'm quite at a loss. Ashamedly, I seem to have lost a tiny bit of interest in Silence. (Don't tell Chelsea ;)) And it comes out slow anyway.
Now I have to link my cousin and Cheyenne. And pack my homework. And print out my essay. I hope it rains. So nobody can pull me out to exercise.
What a waste of good ink.
Topic of the day? What's that?
Til next time~
(ignorance is bliss...)
Saturday, September 09, 2006
-2:19 PM
MiSa is the best, most awesome, heart-warming, tragic, saddest show on the face of the earth. Or at least, of all the shows I've ever watched. No show has ever made me want to cry, but the last episode had me filled to the brim with tears.
WHY MUST THEY DIE???!!!
Sigh. Anyway. Today morning my family went walking around the park. Yes, we walk, not jog. We're a whole bunch of lazy bums, except my father who is very fit and goes to the gym almost three times a week. Then we had brunch and came home. We'll be heading for the library and then PIZZA! before joining my cousins to swim. Or, if you want to get technincal, playing in the water.
Today's topic is funerals. If you ever need to know how people feel about you(or all the good stuff about you), attend your own funeral. Well, that's virtually impossible, and even if you could, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyway.
Which is just sad. I finished reading Tuesdays With Morrie, and the wise professor got a living funeral together so that everyone could tell him how they loved him with him being there and not, you know, dead. We should all do that. I would love to pretend I died and see everyone sob and regret they hadn't been nice to me and then appear and go "HA", but then of course everyone would be furious at me so...
So I'm thinking about that, and then I wonder if everyone would like the same thing. Have other people regret they hadn't been nice or understanding to someone. Then I should probably start being nice and understand to everyone so I won't regret it.
I've lost people to death before. But that was when I was really young so it didn't really impact me. But I remember when my cousins passed away, I kept thinking of the time before they left I had got childishly angry at them, and then...
The guilt stays. Emotions last longer than you think.
Don't stay still. Doing something is better than doing nothing at all. Just do the right thing.
Hm.
Til next time.
Friday, September 08, 2006
-12:15 PM
Music plays. The world spins into oblivion. There is only the clciking of the keyboard. This is mine and mine alone.
It's all in perspective.
The world is what you see. What do you see from where you stand? Do you see the millions of people working day after day for the survival of their children, their parents? Do you see the hundreds of unpaid volunteers dragging it out for those who can't move for themselves? Do you see the people struggling to live, to make a mark in this world? Do you see what they see?
Or do you see the dark alleys? The home of stray cats, where drunkards stumble by before robbing or murdering some poor soul? Do you see your parents not giving you enough, not paying enough attention? Do you see the meaningless lives led day after day? Why do they even bother anyway? It's hopeless...
Whose fault is it, how you see the world? Is it the people who raise you? The people who teach you how to see the world? Can they choose for you how you see the world? Can they force their perspectives on you?
Stop blaming other people for your perspective. It's your way of seeing your parents, your brother, your friends, your teachers. Stop blaming them for not fitting into your perspective. Their perspectives are different from yours.
Slap yourself. WAKE UP. You can only choose your own perspective, you can't choose theirs. And it's up to you to make your perspective suit your liking. You can change it. Just try.
Well.
Now that's all said and done, I can start properly. In case you haven't noticed, today's topic is perspective.
I just had to get it off my chest. And whether you want to accept or not, or decide that my perspective is a load of trash, that's your decision.
Anyway. I can't remember much about yesterday. Um. I was... bored, I think. But somehow, I didn't have that kind of useless feeling. I finished my evolution essay and handed it in, and I blogged.
Hm.
I went out last night to the supermarket across the street to get potato chips with my dad. Sometimes my dad overeacts, especially when it comes to discipline, and I can't say I appreciate that. But my dad's a good man through and through, with his flaws. He's a good dad to the end.
So we bought two packs of chips. I convinced him that it was buying only one would be a waste of a trip down.
Ha.
Perspective people, perspective.
Til next time~
Thursday, September 07, 2006
-10:19 AM
Well. I thought and thought and thought and finally had a pathetic little idea.
I gave it to LYT and she said it didn't appeal. I agree if the idea was used differently, it would be better. LYT then suggested I do an argumentative or discussion but I do not favour arguing or talking to myself. Just... thinking to myself is good enough.
Anyway, I still attempted discussion, but then the idea developed and I found myself with a new idea. It is more relevant, but very depressing.
So I was in a depressed state when Vivian called last night, to discuss her book review. I explained my depressed state to her, and she laughed. Her laugh is even more tickling over the phone, probably because you can't see her laughing.
Back to the topic, after we hung up and I went back to my depressing essay, Vi sms-ed me. I shan't quote what she said, but it was very encouraging. :) Feels lovely to have friends like LYT and Vi who tell me not to look down on myself and not get depressed. Shook me out of depressed self immediately.
It's good to have good friends.
I just watched Bleach 93. I got tired of downloading each episode of Bleach and Ouran High School so I'm relying on LYT's shared folder now. And so I get one episode every, what, 5 days? Talk about deprived. But I can't bring myself to watch on Youtube. It's just that I always watch the downloaded version, and I'm happy with the downloaded version thank you very much so I shan't watch the Youtube version SO THERE.
Sometimes when we're asked to explain our idiocrasies, we get oddly defensive. It's just a part of us, and we don't want to let go.
Talking about letting go, my computer hard drive was complaining about the lack of space the other day, so I set out on the task of deleting items. Turns out, I have a lot of pictures and videos I can live without. I collect and collect but a few months later, they don't mean much to me. Proves that sometimes, letting go only takes time.
Today's topic of the day is guilt. It has come to my attention that half the class hasn't paid for the class party on Teachers' Day. If you were there, please PAY.
Because we live in a materialistic world, and materials need money.
Anyway, the other half of the class paid, and I collected the money. Yesterday after Malay class, my EZlink was -$0.10 so I borrowed $0.60 from the class. I would pay back, but I still felt guilty. Why?
I know I'm going to pay back, so why do I feel guilty? I'm in charge of the money, so if I didn't tell anyone, nobody would know. It's a test of morals, and I already made my mind to return the money. So why do I feel guilty?
Maybe I'm tempted to not return the money. The class owes me money for the drinks anyway, I could say. But I still feel guilty.
Human nature. Your conscience knows best. If you feel guilty, it's wrong.
And for the record, I put back the sixty cents already.
Talking about that, PIE @ Nan Hua is killing me. Figuratively, that is. It just reminds me that I'm going to have to talk to the class again and half of them are not going to listen again and there're going to be lots of problems again and we'll have to bear with each other again and we might not do very well again and I would feel bad again.
You get the cycle?
Well, I wrote a lot today. I think I'll save the photos for when I have nothing to write.
I'm off to close the window so the wind will stop messing up my hair even though nobody can see my hair.
Til next time~
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
-3:13 PM
I finally found out the topics for the third essay-competition, and I chose the one easiest to remember: Evolution.
Easiest to remember, hardest to accomplish. Figures.
Besides that, today I had Malay class and, upon meeting LYT and Olive, safely decided that yesterday's BBQ did not cause any food poisoning. Malay class was good, and after that I headed to central to meet Yvonne and Wendy. After about a half-hour of waiting, I got Perfect Girl Evolution volume 15 from Yvonne. YAY.
I shall be meeting her on Friday at City Harvest's Dance event again, where Bettie will be performing. YAY BETS.
I received one review for OrangeBlack. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3140924/1/) Not bad for its first day of publication.
I'm in between the latest episode of MiSa, and it's getting sadder. Sounds sadistic but YAY.
MiSa's good point is it's not afraid of dealing with sadness.
Resuming the topic of the day, what shall we have this fine day?
What about evolution?
Ugh. Like, what EVOLUTION? Gr.
Talk about brain drain.
Evolution is gradual change, improvement, development. We can have evolution in the human species, or an invention, or technology.
Then we can have the more narrative evolution from a child to an adult and beyond, which can happen over time or drastically. But since evolution is gradual, it can't be drastic.
A description from dictionary.com says: 'a process of gradual, peaceful, progressive change or development', even though it is meant for social or economic structures, I think this explanation sounds relevant.
So my essay has to be about a gradual development, although not strictly because this is a one-word topic. Like that helps.
Gr.
I'm off to think HARD.
Til next time-
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
-7:03 PM
Well. It's over.
Whew.
So Chelsea arrived, looking highly suspicious of everything. After the three of them changed their clothes, I sent them down to blindfold Chelsea while Vivian and I carried the raw food down.
When we reached the BBQ pit, everyone was so busy about getting the fire lit, they kind of forgot about Chelsea. Who was left blindfolded. -_-
But we removed her blindfold and let her mingle with us while we tried to get the BBQ going. It was only about an hour later when we could eat. Bettie had to leave early, so we ate the birthday cake before the rest of the food. The party was pretty good, but I think it didn't do as well as Chels had hoped. Lol.
Anyway, the party was disrupted by a passing cat, who decided to disturb us to no end. So after we cooked all the food, we gobbled up everything and packed up to go upstairs to my house. We washed up and settled down to watch Agent Cody Banks. After which everybody left.
Sigh. It was a long but satisfying day.
No topic of the day today. My mind's pretty incapable of thought now. Too relieved the party went smoothly.
In between the party, I had some time free so I attempted uploading a new Bleach fanfiction to www.fanfiction.net. I just finished uploading it, but I think fanfiction.net is having heavy traffic now, so it won't be up anytime soon.
I really should get on with my original fictions.
And I still haven't found out the topic for the third essay competition.
Gr.
No photos today!
Til next time~
-12:03 PM
OMG.
We're smack in the middle of preparing for Chelsea's birthday party, and I've squeezed in some blog time in between.
Now LYT, Yea Wen and Vivian are downstairs setting up the BBQ. And Bettie, Olive and Wan Zheng are escorting Chelsea here from school.
I hope Chels doesn't see this post before she should.
WHOO.
Til the party's over!
Monday, September 04, 2006
-7:10 PM
One minute of silence in respect to Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter), who passed away on the 4th of September, on the Batt Reef, pierced by a stingray barb throught his heart. He was an amazing man, and may his wife and children be comforted in this time of distress.
You never really believe people like him would actually, you know, die. Especially like that, doing what he loves. It didn't have to end like that, but that's the way he chose to live his life, and I admire him for that.
-1:12 PM
And after a short day's rest, I'm back again.
My parents returned home last night, lugging clothes and food for us. I'm ecstatic at having them back; now I can sleep in peace. Literally.
Anyway, I just came back from Malay supplementary class. It was fun, in a sense, but because I've been pretty much cut off from the outside world for three days, it was a little shocking. But, I don't think anyone noticed.
I was also loudly discussing Chelsea's birthday party, and I think I might have been a little rude and insensitive, so APOLOGIES!
Yes, so today's topic was actually suggested to be contextual harrassement. Well... I thought hard about it, but decided against it in the end. So today's topic is cliques. I actually had a better topic like, five seconds ago, but I lost the thought.
Gr.
Cliques. I, actually, belong to a clique, surprisingly. In my definition, a clique is a certain circle of friends you are always with, to the extent that they are a part of your identity. Basically, when a part of the clique is together, people will ask where's the rest of your clique, or stuff like that. It provides a sense of belonging, and, if you're lucky, you'll be influenced by your clique positively.
Hm.
The common delusion of cliques is that those in a clique are always mean and selfish and, well, bitchy. Blame Hollywood. But that may be true with some cliques when you feel so secure in your clique that you become too self-assured and confidently be nasty to others because you know there will be people to back you up. And of course, there is also the case of negative influence.
But is it positive or negative influence? Only you can judge.
I like my clique. I can confidently say every one (or most) of the eight of us have changed (for better or worse?) ever since we formed our clique. But then again, it sometimes cuts us off from others, and others from us.
So choose your cliques wisely. Before I go, here's another artistic photograph. (And like all photos on my blog: THESE ARE NOT MINE)
Til next time!
Saturday, September 02, 2006
-7:57 PM
How desolate.
You would think with more than twelve hours at my disposal, I would be able to be more productive. On the contary, it seems that I have been entirely useless today. My attempt at my homework was a sour failure. I was unable to churn out ANYTHING for my fictions and my English essay. And I thought that writers could only write over a long period of time.
Sigh. I'm so lost without my parents. They're coming home tomorrow. I have to go to church by myself, dragging my brother along, in the process missing out on devotion with the youth.
Sigh...
On Tuesday we'll be celebrating Chelsea's birthday! We only managed to finalise details today. I don't think it'll be anything as fantastic as Yea Wen's birthday party, but it's the people that count.
Today passed pretty fast, though. It's like a minute ago I was waking up, and now it's night and I'm blogging.
MiSa is ending~ I'm so sad. But Yanting is helping me to download the last two episodes. YAY!
Shall I continue with the 'A Topic A Day' routine? I think I shall.
And we have success today. Once again, everything is in perspective. So let's look in a pessimist's point of view. Success is short-term. Every success story will end eventually. Success comes and goes. It is a part of life. Like your fifteen seconds of fame or something.
But does success neccessarily mean fame? I think to most of the population, fame means a lot. It means recongnition for your efforts. And everybody likes to be recognised for their trouble. That's why everybody wants to be famous.
But to a rare few, success is in personal happiness. And their happiness is derived from the happiness of others. But these people are few and in between.
You've got to have a clear goal then. When you have a goal, you know where you're heading and you know when you've reached the top.
Perfection is a common goal. I would know. -_-
It's something unreachable. So does that mean I will never be successful?
It's a good thing I have other goals then.
Oh well. That's all for today. Go check out Yanting's and Kheng Leng's first attempts at blogging (links at my other blog). I daresay they're doing better than I did.
Til next time!
Friday, September 01, 2006
-8:45 PM
Hm. I suppose horoscopes are a kind of religion as well. A belief, something you put your faith in. But I would suppose religions are more than superstitions. Sigh. You got me there. It's all up to perspective. But horoscopes still baffle me.
And today an old classmate called me! We haven't met in two entire years and I just got off the phone from a half-hour chat. She's the brilliant swimmer, Ting Wen. ;)
My parents went out of town so I have complete control of the house. Mwahaha...
Yet even when I'm given total freedom, it feels like something's missing. Like, I don't need to be free or without guidance to be happy. And I don't actually mind myself being like that. You would think feeling like that would make me ashamed that I'm not independent but... Oh well. Maybe I just dislike making decisions.
The new Korean drama, MiSa, is so extremely sad. He DIES. How tragic. But so stereotypely moving.
Anyway, let's think about today's topic. What about imagination?
Hm.
An unlimited area of creation and dreaming. Of hopes and fantasies. Too little makes one boring and pessimistic. But too much cuts a person from reality and life. So how much is enough?
And is there a right or wrong imagination? How do you know when you've gone too far in your own imagination? When you bring in other innocent people into your imagination? But it doesn't affect them in real life, so is it an offense? Yet there is a claim that what you think would eventually affect your actions, and I am quite inclined to believe that.
